Some parents have the misfortune of losing control of their kids.

Their kids are unruly, uncooperative and have no respect for authority. This can be a very frustrating thing to experience as a parent, as the general rule of thumb is that parents should always maintain control.

But have you ever wondered how you lost control as a parent? Could your own actions have led to your kids losing respect for you?

While this may be a bitter pill to swallow for many parents, the truth is that most kids learn by example, and there could have been something that you did, witnessed by your child, that could have led to them no longer seeing you as an authoritative figure.

While this is in no way meant to vilify parents and put them in parental court, having knowledge of exactly where you went wrong as a parent can go a long way towards rebuilding your relationship with your child, and ultimately regaining their respect.

Child psychologist Refiloe Sebiloane points out some of the types of behaviour that a child may have witnessed from their parents that could have led them to being unruly.

Sebiloane says a child's respect for parents does not disappear overnight.

"It is usually consistent behaviour from the parent that can lead to the child seeing them in a different light. Parents need to remember that, from an early age, the parent is almost put on a pedestal by their child. In the child's eyes, they are the epitome of knowledge, care, love and authority. They have the ability to tackle problems and make them go away. They have the ability to ensure that the child is fed, and generally taken care of.

"So when parents start demonstrating behaviour that flies in the face of all those ideological virtues that the child has about their parent, it can cause the opposite effect.

"When a child starts acting out as a result of losing respect for the parent, it can almost be like a strong statement to the parent, saying 'Mom or dad, I trusted you, and you let me down'," she says.

Sebiloane says these are some of the things that can lead to a child losing respect for you:

Your child seeing you being disrespectful

The first one is perhaps the mother of them all. You cannot teach your child about respect if you are not respectful yourself. If the child constantly witnesses you being derogatory, belittling, and generally being disrespectful to the people around you, the chances are they will not have any respect for you either.

As a parent, your interactions with the people around you act as a blank canvass for your child, and if you fill that canvass with mosaics of disrespect for the next person, your child will hang it on their wall and admire it.

Your child seeing you date their peer

It's no secret that we live in an era where dating below your age is the norm, but if the age of who you choose to date is dangerously close to the age of your child, they probably will not have any respect for you, especially if it is a stream of fickle relationships that border on the parent acting like a love-struck teenager themselves.

An example can be the parent known as a "blesser" and constantly pursuing younger love interests and wooing them with gifts, money, etc. The word on the street about the parent will eventually start bothering your child, and they will lose respect for you.

Your child witnessing you having sex

For some parents, this can be a once-off embarrassing oops moment, but if handled correctly, would not affect the child much.

But if you are less and less careful about your escapades and the child is constantly subjected to witnessing or hearing you and your partner going at it, it will start to impact on them psychologically.

This is especially true for parents who may be having sex with different partners in their pursuit of happiness.

Your child needs to respect the fact that sex is a sacred act between two consenting adults, and not something that is done as a pastime or as recreation.

Your child witnessing your drunken moments

Yes, some parents drink. But some do not know how to do it responsibly. If you are a parent and constantly subjecting your child to seeing you demonstrate your inability to handle alcohol, that will be read as irresponsibility in the eyes of your child. If you are a sloppy drunk who curses, gets into fights and stumbles all over the place when intoxicated, your child's level of respect for you will go an inch lower with every episode.

Your child seeing you break your promises

This is one that most parents often take for granted, as they deceive themselves into believing that the child will not have any recollection of the moments when promises were made, and ultimately broken. If you promise your child that you will buy them the latest PlayStation once they pass their exams, for example, only to come up with a story about how broke you are come delivery time, then yes, it will initially break their little hearts, but they will get over it.

But if it's a constant thing, where you as a parent makes promises to take them to Gold Reef City, buy them a phone, attend their piano recitals or soccer matches, yet never fulfil your promises, they will no longer expect much from you.

Not only in terms of material things, but also in terms of being there for them when they need you most. They will start seeing you as a liar and a cheat, and those are the two words you do not want to pop into your child's mind when they think of you.