The first 12 years of my life were lived spent in a "normal home", with two parents and sibling, until at age 12 when mama left us. My father raised three girls on his own.

As a child I resolved that seeing as there was some sort of curse running in my maternal family, I would be the one to stop it.

My grandmother died when my mom was five, no one is really sure what year this was, what she died of or where her remains lie. My mom and her only sibling, my late uncle, were left orphaned at a very young age.

So when my own mother died, I made the choice to never have children. Maybe then the curse would break.

In my adult life I didn't always take my resolve seriously, because if I had I would not have been having unprotected sex on that Saturday morning in November of 2013. The day my daughter, Lesedi, was conceived.

In 2014, when she was born, I found myself in two situations I had never imagined for myself - a parent and single.

Lesedi's father and I were a match made in hell right from the word go. Messy, turbulent and toxic - all words that are synonymous with our five-month fling that led us to co-parenting.

The moment life formed inside me, it formed a bond between all three of us, the realisation of which knocked the wind out of me. Whether I liked it or not, he was now a part of my life, for the rest of it.

For the rest of my life I get to co-parent with someone I don't always like. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish him dead, but every now and then I envy the freedom my father had in raising us without consultations.

I often find myself scrambling for the necessary maturity in navigating this life because my daughter needs for it to be so.

My daughter knows and adores her father. Sometimes it is as though she can pick up his scent in the air as he approaches and she sits waiting, not quite sure what for.

And then when his frame appears you would swear she will pass out from joy.

I have watched on many an occasion as she runs to him and as he matches her enthusiasm by flinging her into the air and as he is rewarded with squeals of laughter for his efforts.

For this reason alone, I know for sure that I need to make this co-parenting thing work.

It is difficult and I don't always have the maturity it requires, but I have to be the mother my daughter requires.

I try very hard on a daily basis not to give validation to the "baby mama drama" narrative that is projected onto single mothers, often by the co-parents themselves.

There is no "baby mama drama", what exists is a difficult situation whose success and peace depends on and requires daily commitment from both adults.

One of the worst things about co-parenting, is having to deal on a daily basis with someone who had you not had a child or children with, you would probably not be on speaking terms with.

On this basis alone, mothers should not be expected to be enduring and strong even when faced with uncooperative fathers.

As women, we owe it to our names and our children to make sure that the other party sees the importance of working together in the rewriting of the co-parenting narrative. To one that puts the needs of the child first.

Both parties need the maturity to choose the kind of new partners that are mature enough to handle blended families.

We may not have the same household and or budgets and that is okay, but children are expensive to raise and so the one that has the child needs the peace and comfort of knowing that your part of the baby's expenses will arrive on time and as discussed.

I have found that finances are usually the triggers of fights. Don't lie to your new partner and pretend it is because I still want you, when I have been waiting for bank notification.

While we are no longer an item, we need to respect each other and often be transparent with each other.

Co-parenting has not been easy for me, for many reasons. But I go back to the reason I am doing it, Lesedi, and I let her be the light.

I also reject with all my being the "baby mama" label, I am not anyone's baby mama. I will respond to "baby" coming from a lover and "mama" coming from Lesedi, but not to "baby mama".

Mahlape is a publisher