At a wedding, no moment is more tense than when the pastor asks the dreaded question: "If anyone sees any reason why these two should not be married."
Everyone holds their breath. The groom starts sweating. The bride blushes. What if a disgruntled ex stood up and objected?
What if the bride suddenly saw the long lost love of her life in the audience and decided to sprint away like a scene from the movie Runaway Bride.
We spoke to people who are still hung up on their exes. Perhaps it's not as dramatic as wanting to stop a wedding, but people who look back on a particular ex and their relationship and think: this person has taught me a lot, good or bad, and is the reason why I am who I am today.
WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU THEIR TRUE COLOURS, BELIEVE THEM
This is what Maserame Tlhapane, a 33-year-old secretary from KwaMashu, says she learnt from her ex.
"We were together for three years and I thought I knew him fully. We stayed together, but something was always amiss.
"He told me that he liked to gamble occasionally and I didn't think it was a problem until things started constantly disappearing from the house.
"He stole so much from me - a R100 here, my gold watch there, but I would always forgive him when he came apologising, telling me that he needs help with his gambling addiction."
THE TURNING POINT
Tlhapane says she finally got a wake-up call when her ex made off with everything she owned.
"Literally, everything was gone. He took my furniture, my clothes, my jewellery, my appliances - everything, and I never heard from him again.
"I opened a case of theft against him, but still haven't heard anything of it.
"Looking back, he constantly gave me clues that he was bad news, that he seriously had an addiction problem but, because "I was blinded by love", I chose to ignore all of that.
"Now I know that when someone gives you a hint about who they are, take that seriously. Because if you decide to stay with them regardless, you deserve everything that is coming to you."
IT'S NOT REALISTIC TO MAKE A LOVER YOUR WORLD
27-YEAR-OLD writer Sharon Mazibuko of Weltevreden Park says she had lost a sense of who she was in her former relationship.
"I honestly could not live without him, so much so that my family was worried I would commit suicide when the relationship ended," she says.
"I would do everything in my power to make him happy.
"It was all about him. I lived for him. My world revolved around him.
"I would constantly tell him that there is no 'me' without him and that he was the male version of me. I loved him that much."
THE TURNING POINT
Sharon says despite all her efforts, her ex dumped her without an explanation, leaving her broken to shards.
"He was gone, just like that. Initially it hurt so badly, but I look back now and realise that he taught me emotional independence.
"It's not healthy making a partner your 'world'. Yes, you may love him, but do not ever lose yourself in a relationship.
"Your happiness comes first. You need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else."
ONCE TRUST IS BROKEN, IT CAN NEVER BE MENDED
This is the lesson that Gift Khosa, a 24-year-old copywriter from New Doornfontein, learnt from his former relationship with an ex who cheated on him multiple times.
"I know that cheating happens in relationships. But I was always one of the people who believed in forgiving and forgetting. The first time I found out that she cheated, I was devastated, but I chose to stay and make it work," he says.
Khosa, however, says that the relationship was never the same thereafter because of trust issues.
"I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I would always question her whereabouts and constantly went through her phone.
"It was unhealthy for both of us, because it can't be nice living under the constant glaring eye of a microscope from your partner like that," he says.
THE TURNING POINT:
"In retrospect, I learnt that trust is a very important aspect of any relationship. Once it is broken, the relationship is over. For your own sake, just move on before it changes your character, and affects your future relationships as well. That is the biggest lesson my ex taught me."
Valuable lessons learnt from the painful school of love
At a wedding, no moment is more tense than when the pastor asks the dreaded question: "If anyone sees any reason why these two should not be married."
Everyone holds their breath. The groom starts sweating. The bride blushes. What if a disgruntled ex stood up and objected?
What if the bride suddenly saw the long lost love of her life in the audience and decided to sprint away like a scene from the movie Runaway Bride.
We spoke to people who are still hung up on their exes. Perhaps it's not as dramatic as wanting to stop a wedding, but people who look back on a particular ex and their relationship and think: this person has taught me a lot, good or bad, and is the reason why I am who I am today.
WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU THEIR TRUE COLOURS, BELIEVE THEM
This is what Maserame Tlhapane, a 33-year-old secretary from KwaMashu, says she learnt from her ex.
"We were together for three years and I thought I knew him fully. We stayed together, but something was always amiss.
"He told me that he liked to gamble occasionally and I didn't think it was a problem until things started constantly disappearing from the house.
"He stole so much from me - a R100 here, my gold watch there, but I would always forgive him when he came apologising, telling me that he needs help with his gambling addiction."
THE TURNING POINT
Tlhapane says she finally got a wake-up call when her ex made off with everything she owned.
"Literally, everything was gone. He took my furniture, my clothes, my jewellery, my appliances - everything, and I never heard from him again.
"I opened a case of theft against him, but still haven't heard anything of it.
"Looking back, he constantly gave me clues that he was bad news, that he seriously had an addiction problem but, because "I was blinded by love", I chose to ignore all of that.
"Now I know that when someone gives you a hint about who they are, take that seriously. Because if you decide to stay with them regardless, you deserve everything that is coming to you."
IT'S NOT REALISTIC TO MAKE A LOVER YOUR WORLD
27-YEAR-OLD writer Sharon Mazibuko of Weltevreden Park says she had lost a sense of who she was in her former relationship.
"I honestly could not live without him, so much so that my family was worried I would commit suicide when the relationship ended," she says.
"I would do everything in my power to make him happy.
"It was all about him. I lived for him. My world revolved around him.
"I would constantly tell him that there is no 'me' without him and that he was the male version of me. I loved him that much."
THE TURNING POINT
Sharon says despite all her efforts, her ex dumped her without an explanation, leaving her broken to shards.
"He was gone, just like that. Initially it hurt so badly, but I look back now and realise that he taught me emotional independence.
"It's not healthy making a partner your 'world'. Yes, you may love him, but do not ever lose yourself in a relationship.
"Your happiness comes first. You need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else."
ONCE TRUST IS BROKEN, IT CAN NEVER BE MENDED
This is the lesson that Gift Khosa, a 24-year-old copywriter from New Doornfontein, learnt from his former relationship with an ex who cheated on him multiple times.
"I know that cheating happens in relationships. But I was always one of the people who believed in forgiving and forgetting. The first time I found out that she cheated, I was devastated, but I chose to stay and make it work," he says.
Khosa, however, says that the relationship was never the same thereafter because of trust issues.
"I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I would always question her whereabouts and constantly went through her phone.
"It was unhealthy for both of us, because it can't be nice living under the constant glaring eye of a microscope from your partner like that," he says.
THE TURNING POINT:
"In retrospect, I learnt that trust is a very important aspect of any relationship. Once it is broken, the relationship is over. For your own sake, just move on before it changes your character, and affects your future relationships as well. That is the biggest lesson my ex taught me."
Would you like to comment on this article?
Register (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.
Trending
Latest Videos