LET'S face it, you can't change your partner's basic money mentality, but you can set up a system and define rules that will allow both of you to live in harmony and financial security.

I am honouring the most financially perfect couple I met recently. They have been legally married for 15 years and there seem to be so many things that they love about each other - but most of all, they share the same financial values.

He loves to save and so does she. They rarely have a major disagreement about money.

They say at the start of their marriage, they made it their business to lay out how they would like to handle their finances together.

They had the money talk long before they planned any aspect of their wedding and married life.

Many couples fail to realise that there is a business aspect to a relationship. Money matters have to be worked out. Financial differences need to be negotiated.

This is even more important now given the complicated state of relationships. Today, people are cohabiting in record numbers, while marriage rates are rapidly declining.

We have common law marriages that are not yet recognised and a growing number of legalised gay unions. I often ask myself what happens when these relationships, many entering new legal territory, end?

You might not know, financial fallouts are more often than not, messy, hostile, petty and expensive. People enter this unsavoury predicament because they have failed to think or plan things through.

How many people spend at least R3000 or more without their partner knowing?

How many people lie to their partners about how much money they earn per month?

How many people take money meant for groceries at their homes and secretly share it with their parents and their families only to complain later about where all the food went before the month is over when they know they didn't spend all the allocated money on food? How many couples are keeping secret bank accounts or credit cards?

These are just a few examples of how people treat each other regarding money. They lie, cheat, steal and ultimately choke to death a relationship that could have lasted for life.

To guard against ruining your valuable relationship with money consider the following: Draw up a legal control for your union. Make sure it's the best deal for both parties - define the obligations of each party while the partnership is working.

Discuss, agree and write down each party's rights and responsibilities.

Whether you are cohabiting, marrying, already married, or are in a customary arrangement, get into the habit of not only discussing the finances but venture into structural issues too - like who gets what, who does what and who owes what. This will lead you to a better understanding of each other.

We tend to do more planning for our weddings than we do for sustaining our marriages.

Spend more time creating a fair love deal rather than having to be later guided into a lengthy and painful litigation.

Be honest and communicate openly before you join your lives and finances together. If you are already in a relationship, decide to be honest. Join the debt free dream and learn honesty.

lWrite to Thedream@winniekunene.co.za

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