YOU'VE given the relationship everything. You've loved him with everything you are. You are fighting all the time. He finds fault with everything you do. Sex is without passion. He prefers spending time with friends rather than with you.

You've been to sangomas, gone for counselling, prayed and fasted, but nothing seems to work.

The more love you give him, the more he hurts you. He does not respect you anymore. He answers girlfriends' calls in your presence. You feel consistently rejected and he refuses to talk about it.

Does this ring a bell?

It is time to let this loser go. He is not worth your love, says Asiphe Ndlela, a relationship expert.

"Relationships that reach this place are usually toxic. Relationships are hard, but they should always be full of love, respect, care, support and happiness."

Ndlela says generally speaking, the longer you're together the harder it is to know when to quit.

She says being with someone for a long time means you already have a lot of time invested in them.

"In times of doubt you might be inclined to think it's just a phase, that things will improve. These patterns are hard to change because they exist deep within people's subconscious. While they consciously might want to do something different, they are locked into a set response due to the programming of the subconscious."

Ndlela says most people live in denial and to make life easy continue to live in a false reality.

She says letting go of a relationship involves recognising it was not meant to be. She says the easiest way to heal is to start seeing someone.

"Keep things casual," Ndlela says. "Do not fall into the trap of rebound relationships. Along with letting go of your ex, it's time to let go of all your fears and reservations too.

"Cherish the good times you had with your ex and at the same time look forward to creating a happy and fulfilling life."

Ndlela says every quality relationship has foundational aspects in common.

"At the very least they must be quid pro quo and at best are enriching. They must produce quality results when compared with other relationships, produce mostly positive feelings and are appropriate for where a person is in their life cycle."

She said it's much healthier to find a relationship that works for you and gives you what you need than to cling to one that causes dissatisfaction.

Signs it's time to move on:

- When you live in the past.

- When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.

- When he expects you to change.

- When you stay on, expecting he will change.

- When you keep justifying his actions to yourself.

- When he is causing you emotional-physical-verbal hurt.

- When the same situation-issue recurs.

- When he puts little or no effort into the relationship.

- When your fundamental values and beliefs are different.

- When the relationship prevents you from growing as individuals.

- When you stay on expecting things to get better.

- When both of you no longer feel the same way about each other.

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