DO YOU suspect that your man is bisexual? Then read this ...

The fact that you wonder about your man's sexual identity at all is a bad sign.

Unfortunately, even if your instincts tell you this is only remotely possible, there is great cause for concern, according to Asiphe Ndlela, a psychologist.

Ndlela says there are vast and growing numbers of bisexual men, especially those under 35.

She attributes this to civilisation, open acceptance of gay people and opportunities bisexual and gay people offer each other.

She says while some bisexuals come out to their spouses before marrying, others are not even aware of their same-sex sexual and emotional desires until well into their family life.

"Virtually all bisexual men struggle with some degree of conflict between their bisexual identity and their marriage," Ndlela says.

"Isolation, depression guilt and grief are common emotions.

"While many married bisexuals choose to remain closeted, others reveal themselves to their spouses and want to work on their relationships."

She says a sad aspect of this unwanted scenario is that too many otherwise healthy marriages end in divorce.

Ndlela says wives of gay or bisexual men are often the last to know about the dual deception of their spouses.

She says because a man is married or in a stable relationship "people naturally assume he has a happy normal relationship with his partner".

"Many want children and all the benefits that come with marriage when, in fact, they are living a lie. Others hope that heterosexual marriage will change their sexual preference.

She says contrary to popular belief, bisexual men don't always have the stereotypical feminine qualities that set them apart from heterosexual men.

"In essence, you can't tell by looks or mannerisms alone if someone is bisexual. Actions or admission of sexual identity is the only way to know the truth."

How can you know if your man is bisexual?

Ndlela says realistically, unless your man admits to his sexual orientation, you will never know for sure.

"The so-called signs of a bisexual person, such as the way the individual dresses, talks, walks or looks, preferring anal sex, watching porn, homophobic behaviour or hanging out with friends of the same sex are often behaviour traits of heterosexual individuals."

But Ndlela warns people not to jump to conclusions.

"Never assume your man is gay or bisexual if he doesn't want to have sex with you. There could be many other reasons for his lack of sexual desire. Talk with your man and if need be, go for counselling."

Ndlela says it is time to move on when:

• Your man won't see a counsellor with you.
• The negativity in your relationship has increased.
• You are both keeping score about who did what when.
• You can't see anything but your partner's shortcomings and ways you want him to change.
• Your sex life with one another has ceased to exist.
• You walk on egg shells around him to avoid conflict
• The two of you have stopped having dates or time alone together.
• You feel disconnected from one another.
• The trust has deteriorated to the point where you are considering spying on your spouse.

"It doesn't matter if your man is bisexual or not, if many of these statements describe your relationship, you need to ask yourself if you really want to be married to someone you have so little trust in," she says.