Money woes kill relationships
REDUNDANCY, debt and financial worries can all put strain on a relationship.
FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES: Communicate rather than blame each other.A wife might tell her husband he has no right to go out drinking if it means their child has to go without a new pair of shoes
Psychologist Asiphe Ndlela says financial problems can have disastrous effects on relationships and are among the main causes of marital disputes.
Ndlela says though finances have always raised tensions for couples, it may be harder than ever now to avoid conflict.
She attributes this to a range of family complications including moms leaving and re-entering the workforce, late marriages that bring debt and adult children.
These demand ever-more financial decisions from already stressed couples.
"Spouses argue over money because of a lack of proper money management. In some instances, there isn't enough money coming in to cover expenses, in which case both spouses working or one spouse getting a temporary second job could help get the finances back on track," she says.
"In other situations, the income may be sufficient to cover normal expenses, but spending is out of control, in which case the problem may be solved by learning to budget," Ndlela says.
She says redundancy and loss of income is the most obvious difficulty, but not having a job also affects self-esteem and self-confidence.
"For some couples, existing problems are made worse because of the additional pressure they're feeling. For others, coping with a new situation can lead to tension. It's during tough times that couples often do the things that tend to undermine their marriage, just when they need each other most," she says.
Ndlela says when couples are under a lot of stress, they tend to only do the necessary things for day-to-day survival and their relationship fades into the background.
"They focus all their time and energy on the crisis and don't have any energy left for their relationship. Eventually, they might get worn down to the point where they feel alienated from one another," Ndlela says.
She says financial difficulties can make people blame each other for their situation.
"For example, a wife might tell her husband he has no right to go out drinking with his mates if it means their child has to go without a new pair of shoes," she says.
For some couples, having less money means that they can no longer deal with problems the way they used to, which also brings stress and tension in a relationship, Ndlela explains.
She says this can also affect a couple's sex life and this is the reason a lot of people avoid intimacy when they feel under pressure.
But relationship expert, Banele Maphondo, says financial worries can in fact make a good relationships become stronger under pressure.
"Most solid relationships strive in difficult times. Couples struggling with debt can realise that they can fight together, look after one another and come out the other side with an even better relationship," Maphondo says.
He says the most important thing is, "honesty is the best policy".
Mandisa Yoko, an independent financial adviser, says one of the biggest financial issues that bring strife is spending too much and saving too little.
She adds that many couples make matters worse by not talking about money before committing to each other.
"South Africa is a nation of spenders, not savers. Most people spend more than they earn. And a large portion of disposable income goes towards paying debt," Yoko says.
She says a person who overspends is no different than an alcoholic or drug addict in a relationship and what one does could have a huge negative effect on a couple's finances.
Yoko says marrying late is also a contributing factor.
"With later marriages, people bring more assets and debt into a relationship and there are two very strong opinions about managing money because each partner has managed his or her own money for years," Yoko says.
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KHOROMMBI
Women and money are inseperable, especially Xhosa women... I don't like a broke woman in my bed...Report Abuse
BabyMntwana
@ KHOROMMBISounds like you don't have a bed, sir. No offence meant. Just an observation.
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BabyMntwana
There is no overspending when you come right down to looking at the issues. The problem is that people work hard and are underpaid. Underpayment is the problem. I have yet to meet a person who says they earn enough.Report Abuse
Sandile84
Eish, Xhosa women love money and material things, they are so superficial and will not give you their time if you have nothing to give.Report Abuse
KHOROMMBI
BabyMntwana@ KHOROMMBI
Sounds like you don't have a bed, sir. No offence meant. Just an observation.
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Insult...there's no poor man in Venda.. U know by ur pot how others boil. U think my many years of studies are in vain. Stupid Zulu, ur mom and dad did it on the florr to make U. Get life...Khorommbi has got halluva of money.
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Kaylae
"With later marriages, people bring more assets and debt into a relationship and there are two very strong opinions about managing money because each partner has managed his or her own money for years," Yoko says.**********************************************************************************************************************
Thats why they are ANC with accruel,you are obliged to pay for your spouse's debts like in ICOP.so yaah people just need to be wise.and another factor is spending a fortune on a one day celebration(wedding)and justifying it by saying it comes once in a lifetime,yes it does but the debt associated with it follows you and bring conflicts in the marriage and ends up in a divorce court spending even more money that you do not have.Yes we are underpaid but we must learn to live according to what we have and can afford.
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tpaz
@BabyMntwana, I earn enough, relatively.No Money - no love.
Money can bu.y you happiness. FACT
I would rather cry in a BMW than in a Four Four Taxi.
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Harenyobaneng
@Sandile84,all women love money,the problem with Xhosa women is that they are not suttle in doing so,they dont beat about the bush or hint....they tell you staright up that they came to gautend to dig for gold....no i mean Platinum......but i must say that their curves and bums are money well spend ;-)Report Abuse
ntshware-ke-yawa
Sandile84Eish, Xhosa women love money and material things, they are so superficial and will not give you their time if you have nothing to give
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yeah ne.I never fall for a Xhosa woman but if the picture given by Sandile above is true,then why not fall for your own ethnic woman ,if Zulu go for Zulu if Pedi go for Pedi, so that should you decide to cross the borders,then that will be your own choice.If Xhosa woman are interested in money more than a man himself,then why not leave them for their own Xhosa men,then enjoy watching the game from a distance.Two bulls in a kraal,that will be nice don't you think so?
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Ann
everyone should handle their own financesReport Abuse
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