The truth is, nowadays long-term relationships are scarce.

In fact, soon they'll be regarded as a sanctified blessing reserved for the chosen few, just like marriage.

And naturally, we still hold marriage as the final destination for all progressive romances. So I can understand the frustration one would feel when blessed with a stable promising relationship that doesn't seem to get to the part where he cries while watching you walk down the aisle.

Five years down the line, after having attended all your friend's weddings, you are bound to start craving planning your own, down to the detail of who catches the bouquet.

Well, sometimes passive hints and cordial persuasion eventually prove ineffective in provoking acquiescence from a partner who's become too comfortable with the stagnant relationship.

Some helpers can wreck your marriage - avoid bringing a rival homeIt was a sordid tale that grabbed millions of viewers. A bored, upper-class housewife (played by Eva Longoria) in the series Desperate Housewives had a salacious affair with her muscular, attractive gardener (played by Jesse Metcalfe). 

So, one day you start complaining that you do not have anything to wear for the day's outing.

Of course he'll think you're being farcical, because you occupy more than two thirds of the closet.

But the truth is, you were thinking more in the lines of a white dress that goes with a veil and fresh flowers. Yes. The only thing you are willing to dress up for these days is your own darn wedding.

But he is only taking you to a restaurant, again. Now you are really trying to figure out how to get it through to this man's head that you are single, not hungry!

So you ask if you should bring your identity document and two friends? Because really, the least he can do is take you to Home Affairs for a quick one. After waiting for half a decade, you are willing to make compromises.

'Expressions of gratitude help keep your marriage happy'An American study has found that knowing how to say thank you and feeling appreciated improves marriage quality and reduces the risk of divorce. 

But of course he doesn't get it. So you reluctantly go for yet another "not a wedding reception" dinner, without speeches about how you two have been through thick and thin, and no honeymoon thereafter.

When you get to the restaurant, the man orders champagne and you watch if he whispers anything to the waiter, and hope that whatever ring sits at the bottom of that glass has a ruby stone, because you were born in July and diamonds are so overdone.

But the glass is only bubbling with alcohol, so you gulp it all at once, to wash down all that disappointment trying to block your throat. There goes your appetite!

But the waiter is pleasant and smiling as you page through the menu with an absent mind. Then you politely order a traditional fruit wedding cake with vanilla icing, no ribbons and specifically instruct him to ensure that the cake topper is a black couple.

While they both look at you with those astonished faces, you excuse the waiter so that you can finally address the beau decisively and categorically.

At age 30, your mother was already married for 10 years with five kids. Now, you are not in any way suggesting that you have that many good eggs, but honestly, you cannot bear the thought of being a 40-year-old girlfriend!

You remember how you two used to fantasise about getting married and having twins and staying as far away from both your parents' homes as possible.

So what is the plan here and when will his uncles lead a few cows, or stacks of cash - whatever, they can even do an EFT for all you care - and set some dates? Your folks love him. Both your careers are going well and a combined bond will get you a home in the north.

You'll consider a double-barrel surname and have no qualms about signing a pre-nup. But because he is just a man, he panics and asks if you're pregnant - because he doesn't understand where all of this suddenly comes from.

Suddenly? A whole sudden five years! Okay.

So you go home and RSVP to Cindy's wedding in September.