Relationship advice from experts.
Q: I AM 38 years old dating a 32-year-old guy for a year now. He recently introduced me to his mother and she pretended to like me in front of him but later told me in private that she does not approve of our relationship. She asked me to end it because I am too old for him. I love him but I am not sure I can deal with his mother. I don't know what to do?
Boitumelo replies: The worst thing in any relationship is when your partner fails to stand up for you when his family does not approve of you and start to attack you. His mother will be powerless when she realises that you stand together no matter what she says or think. When he is the one standing up for you, she is likely to have no choice but to accept you even if she still does not like you. Get this right with your partner from the onset.
MOM replies: My dear cougar diva, this man is ripe and fully grown and his mother should not worry you. Strategise on how you are going to charm her off her slippers. Take an interest in her and her interests. When you interact with her, talk more about her than her son. Better yet, listen to her, relate stories about her life. Bring her a gift or two occasionally. She will warm up to you.
Q: My wife seems more concerned about her family than mine. She is quick to assist them but would not lift a finger to help my side of the family, even making serious financial decisions without consulting me. I am tired of being disrespected. I don't know what to do?
Boitumelo replies: I can imagine how frustrated and helpless you feel. This is when family intervention comes in handy as it has been unsuccessful resolving the matter between the two of you. Involving one or two members from both families can also stress the importance of your feelings about this issue to your wife. Perhaps giving her the option of family intervention or to change her ways can bring this problem to an end.
MOM replies: People will never treat you with disrespect without your permission. Does your wife earn more than you? If that's the case, she may feel entitled to spend her money as she pleases.
If it's your money she's spending - it's time for the talk.
At the talk do remind her that she married into your family, you didn't marry into hers. Should she not change after the talk, apply the mirror effect.
Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail. com
Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com
Boyfriend's mother does not approve of our love
Relationship advice from experts.
Q: I AM 38 years old dating a 32-year-old guy for a year now. He recently introduced me to his mother and she pretended to like me in front of him but later told me in private that she does not approve of our relationship. She asked me to end it because I am too old for him. I love him but I am not sure I can deal with his mother. I don't know what to do?
Boitumelo replies: The worst thing in any relationship is when your partner fails to stand up for you when his family does not approve of you and start to attack you. His mother will be powerless when she realises that you stand together no matter what she says or think. When he is the one standing up for you, she is likely to have no choice but to accept you even if she still does not like you. Get this right with your partner from the onset.
MOM replies: My dear cougar diva, this man is ripe and fully grown and his mother should not worry you. Strategise on how you are going to charm her off her slippers. Take an interest in her and her interests. When you interact with her, talk more about her than her son. Better yet, listen to her, relate stories about her life. Bring her a gift or two occasionally. She will warm up to you.
Q: My wife seems more concerned about her family than mine. She is quick to assist them but would not lift a finger to help my side of the family, even making serious financial decisions without consulting me. I am tired of being disrespected. I don't know what to do?
Boitumelo replies: I can imagine how frustrated and helpless you feel. This is when family intervention comes in handy as it has been unsuccessful resolving the matter between the two of you. Involving one or two members from both families can also stress the importance of your feelings about this issue to your wife. Perhaps giving her the option of family intervention or to change her ways can bring this problem to an end.
MOM replies: People will never treat you with disrespect without your permission. Does your wife earn more than you? If that's the case, she may feel entitled to spend her money as she pleases.
If it's your money she's spending - it's time for the talk.
At the talk do remind her that she married into your family, you didn't marry into hers. Should she not change after the talk, apply the mirror effect.
Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail. com
Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com
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