Question: I am 36 years old. My wife and I have an eight-year-old son but our relationship turned sour two years ago. I am scared if I leave I might lose my son and she might use him to get back at me. What can I do?
Boitumelo replies: I imagine it's not an option to take him with you should you leave. Dads are also able to be single parents. I also imagine you don't want to disrupt his life with too many changes. Unfortunately, you can't control what your wife will do. The priority is maintaining a relationship with him even when she tries to make it difficult. Focus on maintaining your son's emotional and financial needs. The law can assist you further.
MOM replies: Okay Dahling, let's tackle this by offering you two choices: 1. Don't throw away something because it's broken. Fix it. Unless you are abused in any way, work on your marriage.2. Should your marriage end in divorce, whoever did not get custody will get visitation rights. So you're covered, you will not lose your son. The law is on your side.
Question: I am 33 years old and have been married for six years. It's difficult to communicate with my wife as she always involves her family in our affairs. What can I do?
Boitumelo replies: Seeing that she wants to involve a third party in your affairs perhaps you can suggest to involve a neutral person other than family, such as a counsellor. However, you also have to reflect on why she feels the need to involve other people. Ask yourself why she is struggling to communicate with you? Does she feel unheard or misunderstood by you?
Meet her halfway, try to understand her difficulty first.
MOM replies: Make this a family versus family affair, not one of her family being against you.
Rope in your own family too. Let your family meddle in your marriage as well. Let's see how she takes that. There are many times when you need to put a mirror in front of a person for them to see and feel exactly what you see and feel. It's called the mirror effect.
- Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com
- Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com
Relationship Roundtable: I'm scared that I will lose son if I leave my wife
Question: I am 36 years old. My wife and I have an eight-year-old son but our relationship turned sour two years ago. I am scared if I leave I might lose my son and she might use him to get back at me. What can I do?
Boitumelo replies: I imagine it's not an option to take him with you should you leave. Dads are also able to be single parents. I also imagine you don't want to disrupt his life with too many changes. Unfortunately, you can't control what your wife will do. The priority is maintaining a relationship with him even when she tries to make it difficult. Focus on maintaining your son's emotional and financial needs. The law can assist you further.
MOM replies: Okay Dahling, let's tackle this by offering you two choices: 1. Don't throw away something because it's broken. Fix it. Unless you are abused in any way, work on your marriage.2. Should your marriage end in divorce, whoever did not get custody will get visitation rights. So you're covered, you will not lose your son. The law is on your side.
Question: I am 33 years old and have been married for six years. It's difficult to communicate with my wife as she always involves her family in our affairs. What can I do?
Boitumelo replies: Seeing that she wants to involve a third party in your affairs perhaps you can suggest to involve a neutral person other than family, such as a counsellor. However, you also have to reflect on why she feels the need to involve other people. Ask yourself why she is struggling to communicate with you? Does she feel unheard or misunderstood by you?
Meet her halfway, try to understand her difficulty first.
MOM replies: Make this a family versus family affair, not one of her family being against you.
Rope in your own family too. Let your family meddle in your marriage as well. Let's see how she takes that. There are many times when you need to put a mirror in front of a person for them to see and feel exactly what you see and feel. It's called the mirror effect.
- Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail: tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com
- Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com
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