Raise your own child - don't let granny take over

Raising a child can be hard work. It can even be harder for new parents who don't have a book of reference to page through.

Luckily, most people often have enthusiastic grandparents teaching them the ropes.

What could be better than your mother being there to tell you how to place your elbow in the bath water so that you bath your child in the right water temperature?

But can this help get out of hand?

Can grandparents get too overbearing while teaching you how to raise your kids, and where do you draw the line?

We explore different scenarios that can make parents feel like grandparents are taking over, and relationship expert Thapelo Molope teaches us how to draw that line.

YOU CANNOT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT

"Hold them right so they can burp. You will break the baby's neck if you don't make them sit upright. You are using the wrong body lotion. You are not feeding the baby properly."

These are some comments meddling grandparent can subject young parents.

While they may not be meant to be malicious, such comments can be disheartening and make you feel like you cannot do anything right. "Feeling like you cannot do anything right in the eyes of your child's grandparents can make [you] question if [you] are fit to be a mother," Molope says.

"The problem stems from not knowing how to find the balance between appreciating the tips the grandparents point out and letting them know that it hurts your feelings when they do that."

Molope says you should start off by giving your parents hints that you can manage.

"If the grandmother points out to you how to hold the child properly, maybe indicate that you are still working on perfecting it, and you will get it right eventually.

"If it persists, indicate that you have a different technique that you use that works and you would appreciate if they will let you explore it."

Molope says if all else fails, a candid chat is in order.

"Politely tell them how you feel. Tell them that it almost seems like they are focusing on your negatives, which does not inspire any confidence in you.

"Ask them to back off a bit, and that their help will be solicited when needed. Any mature adult should be able to understand this and respect your feelings without resorting to sulking or giving you the silent treatment.

"This is why your tone is immensely important when delivering this message."

REPRIMANDING YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS

While trying to administer punishment or reprimanding your children for any wrongdoing, the grandparent may step in with interfering comments such as "leave the child alone" or "he or she is just being a child".

This can paint you as the mean executioner to your kids, while the grandparent is deemed to be their saving grace.

For this scenario, Molope says immediate action is required.

"It's totally disrespectful and it undermines your ability to parent your children the way you see fit.

"You would need to be firm, and tell the grandparent that not only are they undermining you but doing so in front of your kids makes them undermine you too, which will affect how much respect they have for you moving forward.

"Tell them that you know what course of action to take, and that you would appreciate if they would reinforce your decisions instead of undermining them."

THEY SPOIL YOUR KIDS ROTTEN

Every kid wants to have those grandparents who take them to Disneyland and buys them that flashy mountain bike.

But what if it's getting out of hand, where you cannot afford to buy expensive gifts for your kids and you feel inadequate when their grandparents spoil them?

"This can be a tricky one, because most grandparents just can't help themselves when it comes to spoiling their grandchildren," Molope says.

He advises to tell grandparents to rather save luxury gifts for special occasions.

THEY HOG THE KIDS

It can be a natural gravitation for grandparents to want to assist you with taking care of your small ones, but what happens when they want to take over?

They want to do the feeding, bathing and tucking them into bed? What does one do in this case?

"This one requires you to let them know that you would like to experience the joy of parenting too. That when they take over, it makes you feel like you are a secondary parent watching from the sidelines.

"Be careful though, as you do not want the grandparent to feel like all their help is not being appreciated, so again your tone of voice while addressing this is very important," Molope says.

THEY MAKE VITAL DECISIONS ON YOUR BEHALF

This is when the grandparents dictate what school is best for your child, what religion the child should be raised observing, and which community is best to raise your child in.

They are basically bullying you into following their choice, as opposed to making your own decisions.

Molope says you need to put your foot down immediately.

"No one else can make those kind of decisions about your children on your behalf, and this needs to be communicated clearly," she says.