I live in Durban and decided to surprise my boyfriend in Johannesburg. I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I could also hear a child crying in the room. When I asked to see my boyfriend, the woman asked me what I wanted with her husband..

I HAVE just broken up with my boyfriend after five years.

I have been studying at university in KwaZulu-Natal while he works in Johannesburg. The long-distance relationship was difficult but whenever he returned to KZN we had a wonderful time together.

I completed my studies in December. I am now looking for a job. My boyfriend says the company he works for has agreed to transfer him back to KZN and that this will probably happen before the end of June.

We have been arguing about this because I think I would have better job prospects in Johannesburg. He says he wants to return to Durban because he wants to be closer to his family.

He was very aggressive when we discussed this and insisted that I be patient because he would look after me. He also said it would be a waste of money for me to move to Johannesburg and then to later relocate back to Durban.

I decided to surprise him and visit him in Johannesburg so we could discuss this matter further. I found out where he lives and decided to surprise him. I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I could also hear a child crying in the room.

When I asked to see my boyfriend, the woman asked me what I wanted with her husband.

I was so shocked I almost collapsed. I did not say a word to her. I just turned around and caught the next bus back to Durban.

He eventually phoned me but was furious that I had arrived in Johannesburg without informing him first.

When I asked about the woman who said she was his wife he denied that he was married.

He said the woman had tricked him. He claimed they had sex once and she had fallen pregnant.

He said he does not love this woman but was trying to do the right thing for his child.

I asked him what he expected of me. He said he wanted me to wait for him until he can leave this woman.

I love him with all my heart but I am in a state of shock. I am confused and I don't know what to say.

I am so hurt that he has treated me like this. What should I do? - Desperately unhappy, Durban

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU

Only you can take a decision but I really don't think you should wait for him.

He is a liar and a cheat and I doubt you will ever be able to trust him again.

He has treated you in the most appalling manner, yet he still has the cheek to get angry with you for coming to see him!

You have just finished your studies and are looking to start a new chapter of your life. Don't' start it off with the complication of a man who is involved with another woman. Plus there is child involved.

Of course it will be hard for you to get over him but life is hard enough without the added complication of a manipulative man who will be nothing but trouble.

The choices you make now will impact on the rest of your life, so take care. Concentrate on what is best for you. Look for a job and have fun with your friends.

In time you will get over him. You will realise there are far better men who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.