My husband's secretive nature is driving me mad

I HAVE been married for many years and have grown-up children who are now married. The problem I have, and have always had, is that my husband, who is a good man generally, is extremely secretive.

This used to bother me when we were younger, but because I was always very busy with the children and working too, I coped.

I am still working, but have more time now that the kids are out of the house and his secrecy is driving me up the wall.

I have raised it with him, but we always ended up arguing and fighting so I decided to just leave it alone.

I don't think that he is having an affair or anything like that, but I can't stop wondering what he is hiding?

He even takes his cellphone with him when he goes to the bathroom.

Please tell me what to do before I do something stupid. Frustrated, Alberton

DUDU RESPONDS:

I am sorry that you have had to put up with this for so long and I think you are a strong woman for having coped so well.

There are many reasons why people are secretive.

You say that your husband is a good man in many respects and you don't believe that he is hiding an affair.

Whatever the reason, if it is bothering you, he should know about it. You two have to talk about this and if he is not prepared to hear it from you, then you need to tell a good friend to talk to him or try to convince your husband to go for counselling.

We all have some secrets, which is perfectly normal. I am sure you don't tell your husband some things that you discuss with your good friends.

Couples need to give each other space.

I suggest that you first sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you appreciate that he is a good husband, but can not bear his secrecy any longer. Ask him what is it that he is hiding? Tell him that it is not normal to take his cellphone into the bathroom and that it is just making you suspicious.