Hosni lies down for a stand-off

LAWYERS representing deposed Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak deserve to be given a standing ovation for the stunt they pulled off at his court appearance on an assortment of charges, including murder and corruption, in the capital Cairo earlier this week.

Taking the expression "standing trial" too literally, they wheeled the octogenarian into court, which was sitting in a police academy in the city, on what looked like a stretcher.

They did this, Guluva believes, to demonstrate in more ways than one that the ailing 83-year-old Mubarak - who had been in hospital since his arrest about five months ago - was not fit to stand trial, and that all charges against him should be dropped on humanitarian grounds.

Prosecutors immediately saw this as a stand-off. They stood their ground and insisted that they would make sure that nothing stood in their way to ensuring that the murderous and inherently corrupt dictator was brought to book.

But in their live feeds, television journalists covering the trial kept on telling their viewers that Mubarak was "standing trial" in Cairo, which seemed rather insensitive since the poor man lay clumsily on the stretcher in a cage, ostensibly unable to stand.

Despite all this, his lawyers, including Farid al-Deeb, still stood by him, and possibly by everything that he stands and stood for.

But this lying on a stretcher business might in the end prove to be just one big lie.

Guluva is afraid that if this is proved to be the case in the end, it might not stand Mubarak's lawyers in good stead.

But until then, Guluva will continue to treat his legal representatives as lawyers in good standing.

Back to Africa

Talking about fitness, Guluva wants to take this opportunity to congratulate the inyanga, traditional healer, doctor, homeopath or shrink who worked on Mzansi soccer's enfant terrible Benni McCarthy on a job well done.

He, she or they did not only help McCarthy to win the battle of the bulge, but he, she or they have also successfully cured him of a phobia that had been plaguing his international career for a long time - the fear of playing in Africa.

Because of this phobia McCarthy would conveniently suffer an injury when Bafana Bafana's coaching staff called him up for a qualifier, especially if it involved playing in nondescript places like Tanzania, Niger or Mali.

When he failed to convince the technical staff he would suddenly resign from international football, only to resurface when Bafana Bafana played against national squads such as England.

Thank, God, this phobia is gone.

On his return to Mzansi, looking trim, slim and fit, a number of top Premier Soccer League teams - Ajax Cape Town, Orlando Pirates, Kaizer Chiefs, Mamelodi Sundowns and Supersport United - all clamoured to secure his signature ahead of the 2011-12 soccer season. But he chose the Orlando East outfit, that will campaign in the coming edition of the African Champions League by virtue of being the 2010-2011 PSL champions.

Said McCarthy: "I'm really looking forward to playing in the African Champions League with my new club."

Guluva is convinced the phobia is now all gone.

Welcome back to Africa, son.

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com