THE newly unveiled Kaizer Chiefs' home kit has inspired some few schoolgirl giggles across the nation and triggered many comments, some positive and some negative, among soccer fans

"We guess we'll get used to it in the long run," said one of the disappointed but loyal fanatics of the zebra-stripped jersey, shrugging his shoulders.

But some die-hard Chiefs supporters are not amused. They refuse to associate themselves with it.

They say they would rather be dead than seen wearing what essentially looks like a PAC T-shirt in public.

Who can blame them? We all know how the PAC's "one settler, one bullet" chant, which sparked fear among many Mzansians in the 1990s, resulted in the organisation getting only one percent of the vote and one seat in Parliament after the first democratic elections in 1994.

Chiefs' supporters clearly don't want this curse to befall their beloved club.

They dread the day when the club would come to be known as a one match, one goal and one point team.

At that point, the club would probably have changed its name to Pan African Chiefs, PAC for short.

Juju's Italian job

We Mzansians have mastered the art of getting things to go our way, no matter what. If Eskom disconnects our electricity because of nonpayment, we simply hire izinyoka to create a "bridge".

We are masters at jumping the queue, using our connections to secure tenders and "rewarding" our metro police with "cool drinks" in exchange for their silence when we commit a traffic violation. We are experts at cutting corners.

If we cannot get it by the book, we'll make sure we secure it by hook or by crook. We learnt this from the best; our best being the Woodwork Boy, aka Juju.

Juju wants to go to Italy as a matter of urgency after getting a call from his pal in Limpopo, who wants to hook up with him for a cuppa in Milan. But there's a catch: Juju does not have a visa and he knows it will take forever to be issued with one.

Unless, of course, he can get an "invite" from no less a person than the Mzansi ambassador to Italy, Her Royal Highness Thenjiwe Mtintso.

So Juju gives HRH Mtintso, his colleague in Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's national executive committee, a call.

The conversation, based on a report in the Sunday Times, goes like this:

Juju: Comrade Thenjiwe, I want to go to Italy but they tell me that for me to go to Italy I need an invite.

HRH: OK, Comrade Juju, when do you want to go to Italy?

Juju: Next week.

HRH: But comrade, you know that it's going to take you 10 working days to get a visa.

Juju: Yes, I have gone to the Italians and they said the only way I can get a visa is if I can get an invite from you as an ambassador.

And bingo! Juju gets an "invite" from HRH, secures a visa and off he goes to Milan for a cuppa, clearly under false pretences.

And he's not the only one to go to Italy in this way.

Says HRH: "He's probably the 30th person I have invited. Some of them I don't even know."

That's the new Mzansi for you!

E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com