GULUVA felt sorry for Public Enterprises Minister Malusi Gigaba's spin doctor, Makhosini Nkosi, when he tried to explain why his boss failed to consult the labour unions on the dramatic appointment of new boards at state-owned entities Eskom and Denel two weeks ago.

The more the spin doctor spun the web in a lengthy missive he wrote to Business Day - the newspaper that broke the story, stealing Gigaba's thunder in the process - the more he grotesquely entangled himself in it.

Wrote the spin doctor: "Prior to the leak, the ministry's plan was for it to first discuss and foremost obtain the Cabinet's ratification of its envisaged board changes.

"After this had been obtained, Mr Gigaba was going to start a process of engaging with the affected nonexecutive directors in order to appraise them of the government's decision.

"The ministry also had plans to have meetings with important stakeholders of Eskom and Denel, including relevant union leaders, so that the minister could explain his decision."

Now, what is the point of consulting your "important stakeholders" when you have already made a decision?

Making instant millionaires

THE way in which the government is going about its drive to create more than five million jobs by 2020 is likely to result in the jobless being targeted becoming so rich that they might not have to work in their lives ever again.

Speaking during his budget vote in Parliament earlier this week, the president announced that the government had transferred R1,3billion to projects that have created 364 jobs.

Quoted verbatim, the president said: "The total investment allowance, or incentive, made available is R1,3billion and 364 jobs have been created."

R1,3billion to create 364 jobs? That's R3,5million per jobless person!

Why create a job at a cost of R3,5million when you can simply dish out the money to the jobless and make them instant millions?

Employee-less employers

AN interesting excerpt from a letter written by the Department of Labour's compensation commissioner to a certain Gauteng company: "Kindly note that an employer who does not employ employees cannot be registered with the Compensation Fund."

Are these the type of employers the president was referring to when he announced his ambitious plan to create five million jobs in 10 years perhaps?

Snakes and money

WHILE still on the subject of money, it would seem that the only game Cricket South Africa bosses know well is the one involving snakes and money; it's never one about cricket, cricket transformation and development.

Just after emerging from a bruising fight involving millions of rand in bonuses allegedly dished out clandestinely, two "snakes" - president Mtutuzeli Nyoka and chief executive Gerald Majola - are now alleged to be embroiled in another sordid money scandal.

This time the two men are accused of - collectively or individually - offering Gauteng Cricket Board president Ray Mali a R2million golden handshake to relinquish his strategically significant position.

Of course, Mali has declined the alleged offer, calling it an "insult".

Mali - yes, his name means money - knows real money when he sees it.

E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com.