GULUVA feels ever so sorry for Chief Mangosuthu Buthelelezi, MP, leader of Inkatha Freedom Party and Prince of Phindangene.

The gracefully ageing chief cuts a lonely figure in his deserted Ulundi home these days, what with his once loyal, faithful and loving members of the party leaving his political lair one after another in their rush to jump into bed with Zanele Magwaza-Msibi of the National Freedom Party and the Machine Gun Man and his hordes of tenderpreneurs in the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet fold.

But there's nothing new in this.

During the time of floor-crossings a few years ago the good old chief used to watch helplessly as two-timing members of his once powerful and feared party crossed the floor to the greener side of the Parliamentary benches to join their more politically connected, economically well-off and charismatic counterparts.

He called them a bunch of crosstitutes.

With floor crossing now dead and buried, and with it the crosstitutes, Guluva wonders what the betrayed chief is going to call the new crop of traitorous and unfaithful members deserting the seemingly loveless marriage in their droves to be romantically and politically linked to the enemy.

Tenderpreneurs' alliance

Having been rudely and violently thrown off the trough by predatory sushi-devouring tenderpreneurs, Guluva and his mates have for the past few months been meeting behind closed doors to explore a number of options on how they, too, can enjoy the fruits of liberation for which their forefathers lost their lives.

One of the innovative plans they thought up would put them as close to the gravy train as possible, if not to completely take it over, was the formation of a political party to contest the national general elections in 2014 to give the Machine Gun Man and his Ain't Seen Nothing Yet dudes a good run for their money.

While there are still many things the ambitious lads don't agree on - such as policy, leadership structures, who will run the party when the rest go to Parliament and so on - they have unanimously endorsed the party's name, which was suggested by Guluva, he's proud to say.

Everyone almost to a man (and woman) believes the name Generally Unrepentant Professional Tenderpreneurs' Alliance is a sexy one, particularly for a political party.

But there is a minor problem. The Independent Electoral Commission, which scrutinises every name put forward for registration, might not like the name.

Members of this yet to be registered party have a legitimate reason to be fearful. Only this week Brigalia Bam's IEC refused to register the name Guys of Delivery for the coming local government elections.

While everyone would welcome a party of guys who have committed themselves to delivery - unlike the current crowd, who spend most of their time chasing tenders - the IEC was not impressed.

The commission rejected the Guys of Delivery's application on the grounds that the name's acronym was GOD, which prompted Guluva and his pals to closely scrutinise their party's name.

And guess what, it turned out that the acronym for Generally Unrepentant Professional Tenderpreneurs' Alliance was - and this was by accident rather than design - Gupta.

Eish, that's sailing too close to the wind.

E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com