WHILE growing up many moons ago, Guluva used to be chastised and scolded by his mother every time he was found in the company of older boys.

"Why don't you go and play with boys your age?" she would, sjambok in hand, scream at him, probably thinking that the older boys knew too much about the prohibited fruits of life already and fearing that they would poison her young son's mind and prematurely rob him of his innocence.

Since then Guluva has known how to choose his mates well, but that's probably why he is still counted among the "masses of our people" by well-rounded Ain't Seen Nothing Yet politicians and tenderpreneurs. If the Machine Gun Man had also listened to Guluva's mother, he would probably not be where he is today, but with the starving "people on the ground". Just look at the type of friends the Machine Gun Man has surrounded himself with. But unlike Guluva during his troubled formative years, the Machine Gun Man likes them young.

At 68 years of age the Machine Gun Man is practically a pensioner, but he apparently still has the energy - and time - to hang around with 36-year-olds.

Here Guluva is thinking about Roux Shabangu, Mzansi's property billionaire whose dealings recently got him entangled in the controversial R500million South African Police Service property deal. Shabangu claims to break bread with the president as often as he can and the president has not denied it.

Though Sandile Zungu is 25 years the Machine Gun Man's junior - young enough to be his son - the wealthy Durban-born businessman also counts Mzansi's president among his best friends. With Zungu, the friendship was seemingly a case of clinching one and getting one free considering the fact that he also ended up befriending Duduzane, the Machine Gun Man's 28-year-old son, with whom he went for the R9billion ArcelorMittal mining deal, which they clinched under controversial circumstances. You will remember Zungu describing the loot that he, Duduzane and others are to receive from the deal as "money for jam".

Enter the stinking rich Gupta brothers, with whom the Machine Gun Man has of late made a habit of enjoying a home-cooked meal at their lavish Saxonwold, Johannesburg, compound at least three times a month.

The eldest of the three brothers, Ajay, is 45 years old, young enough to be the Machine Gun Man's son, but who is presumably, just like all true friends, on a first-name basis with the president.

Even the now seemingly out-of-favour and dying Schabir Shaik is a spring chicken compared with the Machine Gun Man since he's barely into his mid-50s.

With friends as young and resourceful as these being a pensioner must really be the least of anyone's worries.

Moving backwards

The presentation of Standard Bank's results in Jozi last week was a gloomy affair. Though Standard Bank still claims to be "the largest bank in Africa by earnings and assets", the situation on the ground paints a picture of an institution troubled by disappointingly low earnings, low staff morale and a diminishing public profile.

The bank, eaten by the guilt of retrenching hundreds of employees last year, is now reported to be abandoning its strategy to be a global emerging markets player. The report of its lackadaisical performance in 2010 saw its share price fall by 2,3percent on the day.

This hardly looks like a bank that is "moving forward".

E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com