DURING his recent escapades, Guluva accidentally came across what seemed like a classified document - a draft questionnaire prepared by an unnamed research company on behalf of the Department of Basic Education.

The questionnaire is aimed at examining the state of education and asks teachers a number of questions about their jobs. This is done with a view to introducing the necessary interventions in cases where there are serious challenges and, or deviations from set norms and standards.

Among other things, the questionnaire asks teachers to answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

• Do you have the qualifications to teach, develop and transform an African child into a complete, academically and intellectually mature individual who will contribute significantly to the socio-economic development of this country?
   
• Do you know your subject matter well to the extent that whatever you teach will have a positive impact on the child?
   
• Are you committed to your job?
   
• Do you, for example, identify pupils who occasionally need extra help and design special programmes for them?
   
• Do you think you can be comfortable teaching at any school under the Department of Basic Education?
   
• Do you involve parents by, for example, organising parents' evening sessions and ensuring that they regularly monitor their children's work?
   
• Do you have confidence in the teaching abilities of your own colleagues?

Now, if you have answered "no" to four or more of the questions, then you have no business to be in the teaching profession.

If you have answered "yes" to four or more of these questions, what the hell are your own children doing at former Model C schools, far away from your home? Why are they not here with you, learning what you teach other children?

But Guluva has been told that the document has not been signed off by the Minister of Basic Education yet. It probably never will because the minister has just remembered that her own children and, or grandchildren, and those of her Cabinet colleagues go to either former Model C schools or private schools.

Suffer little African children.

Misdirected vitriol

A senior Ain't Seen Nothing Yet leader wrote a scathing article in ANC Today, the organisation's online newsletter, criticising the views of one of its fearless critics, The Times columnist and political commentator Justice Malala.

"We are not going to say much about the tone of (his) articles and his selection of words, safe to say they are reflective of a child who was badly brought up or who was left to grow on his own and adopted foreign and regrettable mannerisms."

Guluva believes this vitriol is misdirected. There is a child within Ain't Seen Nothing Yet's ranks who perfectly fits this description.

SABC is losing it

SuperSport seems to be extremely overjoyed following SABC's monumental failure to broadcast the match between Bafana Bafana and Sierra Leone on Sunday.

The day after the fiasco Sowetan carried a front page banner headline stating: "Anger over Bafana blackout". Immediately below it, SuperSport had a full colour quarter page advertisement cheekily proclaiming: "We love it!"

Considering what happened to the Premier Soccer League's broadcasting rights, it's just a matter of time before the SABC loses to SuperSport again.

• E-mail Guluva on: thatha.guluva@gmail.com