Today we must celebrate our moms, sisters, cousins and distant relatives who fulfill any role of motherhood in our lives

 My prayer this week is for the continued strength, formidability and resilience of all mothers and mother figures.  

I often ponder the meaning of motherhood within an African context and from personal experience, I can say that neither my mother, nor step-mother could ever claim to the sole providers of my experience of being mothered. Walk with me...

I was born in 1992, my mother was only 19 years old, and my dad was just about to turn 21.

They were both university students and I can only imagine that having a baby was the least ideal situation.

Fortunately, there were grandmothers to step in, specifically uMaDlamini, my maternal gran.  

I distinctly remember my mind experiencing a minor glitch when I was about six years old in my grade 1 class.

Mrs Plianthos tasked us to draw pictures of our families: moms, dads and siblings.

For a little context, the glitch was primarily caused by the fact that my mom and I both called my uMaDlamini “Mama”.  

In my then little brain, I was fully cognisant that I was birthed by Xoliswa, but my mother is uMaDlamini.

I stood on business with my understanding – so I completed the task at hand. I drew my grandparents as my parents, my uncle, Langa, as my brother and Xoliswa as my sister.  

I took my homework book home, and I showed my family.

It was a bit of comical relief for my mom and the rest of the family to have a six-year-old claiming to be her sister.

I told them that everyone in my class drew their families and this is what mine looks like.

I explained that I didn’t draw uNcumisa (my mom’s elder sister) because she was my aunt and essentially my mom. “You can’t have two moms,” I remember exclaiming. I was six, come on!  

I interpreted Ncumisa as my mom, almost, because we did everything together. She was a bank teller then, and my schools were always on her way to work.

We would walk together having countless conversations.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom that we had so much to talk about daily. She was a girlie in her late 20’s and all I knew is I wanted to dress and be fashionable just like her.  

Fast forward some 20 years, and I started engaging with motherhood on an academic level.

Particularly the nexus between fertility and becoming a mother. I asked myself, “In African contexts, is biologically birthing a child the only thing that qualifies one for motherhood?”

Of course not, right?

Surely the scope of motherhood extends beyond the scope of biology.  

Let me give you a relatable example, using some of my favourite content-reality TV, particularly programming that focuses on Black Families.

Well-known polygamist Musa Mseleku has four wives and multiple children.

Some of those children are not biologically those of his wives. MaCele, Mseleku’s first wife is a mother to Sne, though they share no biology. MaKhumalo alike, the third wife is responsible for mothering Mpilo. I digress...  

In my academic reading, I found staggering research claims alluding to the hypothesis nearly two thirds of women in the ‘sub Saharan region’ struggle with fertility and bearing children.

Moreover, I found evidence of the ostracisation of women who were rendered “barren”.  

In some cultures, they were not allowed to fully participate in rites related to motherhood and womanhood as they “were incomplete”.

Birthing rituals in some tribes banned “infertile” women as a they were seen as bad omen to the expectant mother.  

I find it quite interesting that the labour of mothering and motherhood is still expected of women regardless of their fertility status.

They must still step in as mother to children whose biological mothers are unable to care. They must still love, nurture and endure the shame of being childless all the while actively committing the act of motherhood.  

This Mother’s Day, I hope that we will celebrate our moms, sisters, cousins and distant relatives who have fulfilled any role of motherhood in our lives.  

Happy Mother’s Day!