SHWA is so tired of hearing about philandering nyatsis who can't keep their panties on and girls who cry boo-hoo cos some or other DJ broke her heart.

With the likes of Black Coffee who has been fingered by more than one woman - from alleged sex tapes to raunchy smses.

 Dude clearly hasn't heard of keeping passwords. Then there was the infamous Baba Mthethwa, whose lover admitted to her hubby that she was doing the nasty. Baba was almost killed.

So before you make headlines next week...here's some pointers

We live in the 21st century, so if you're still wondering if your better half is faithful or not, wonder no more.

Here Shwa gives you advice on how to spot if your bugger is chowing next door and how to catch them in the act.

1. Arrive at their place unannounced and ask them to sleep over at your pad.

Make sure that you help them pack toiletries, so that they don't get a chance to make that warning call to their side dish. Because they are cornered, they will ask to go to the loo, with cellphone in hand, to make a warning call or text to their lover.

2. Mr or Mrs will run to the kitchen and always turn on a tap when answering their cellphone. Running water drowns out the sound of the voice on the other end. A flushing toilet does the same.

3. When they suddenly choose your brand of perfume for you. Women often do this to match the aroma of their roll-on.

This is to avoid being subjected to some third degree or 21 questions when she smells of foreign perfume.

4. Cheats set security codes on their phones to prevent you from accessing raunchy data they exchange with their lover(s) en route from work.

5. In a poor cellphone signal area, cheats will place a packet of Omo washing powder on the window sill to warn her side dish not to come to the house. In case you are wondering, it means "he is here" in Sepedi. This symbolises that hubby is home, so no hanky-panky will be happening. The opposite comes into play with a bottle of Sta-Soft. you guessed it, Sofn'free for the taking.

6. After plunging their tongue in your beer-smelling cavity for many moons, they suddenly tell you to stop drinking beer and instead quaff cider because the former gives you bad breath.

7. Cheats will never allow you to buy them a cellphone on contract, no matter how much they desire it. This is because, as a buyer, you have the right to ask for itemised billing from the service provider.

Next week we'll tell you how to cheat without getting caught. It's sad that Shwa has to teach grown-ups these simple things. Aaai!