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Straight and two beers exactly what Mzansi needs

Image: 123RF/Brent Hofacker

You have to hand it to the brewers. With the South African economy anaemic and in the doldrums, there's a new trend emerging of nonalcoholic beer or ciders.

I came across this agathokakological phenomenon by mistake recently when I grabbed a friend's cans of Castle free. Two-and-a-half hours later I realised my trips to the bathroom had increased while my head was missing the usual zing provided by my favourite pilsner.

Needless to say, I was aghast when I discovered I'd been duped into drinking beer without alcohol. I compare it to bonking an inflatable doll.

It may provide you with some relief in the end but it could never be like the real thing. For instance, a silicon Zodwa would never sink her nails in your back the way a red-hot live version might in the throes of passion.

It simply did not make sense to the connoisseur in me and I felt cheated. I mean what is the point of coffee without the caffeine?

Heineken has since joined the bandwagon with a 0.0 alcohol-free beer while Distell introduced first nonalcoholic cider with the Savanna Lemon.

Apparently, there is a growing trend globally to reduce alcohol consumption for health reasons and nonalcoholic drinks address this market.

Pardon me, but I always thought there were plenty of nonalcoholic beverages to choose from already.

I consider these nonalcoholic drinks simply devious at a time when South Africans require stronger drinks to navigate through everyday jobless and landless stress.

The fizzy drinks have already lost their spark when the government introduced sugar tax last year in the guise of concerns about our health.

With our economy growing at less than 1%, what is required is a stiff drink with double-digit alcohol content, not less.

It is depressing enough to watch politicians have a nasty cat fight over who raised how many millions to gain a foot at the master's table while they are supposed to be finding solutions to the problems holding the country back.

Almost two years since the ANC leadership race, the sluice gates burst open when the winning presidential candidate Cyril Ramaphosa's campaign money trail was leaked. Instead of focusing on bringing his promised new dawn, he is now involved in cat fights with public protector Busisiwe Mkhwebane.

Instead of flogging the National Development Plan to get the economy chugging, the president is preoccupied with trying to put toothpaste back into the tube after his campaign statements were leaked on social media.

With the horse having bolted, it was expected that he would roll up his sleeves and announce ground-breaking job schemes if only to lift the national mood.

However, the economy continues to bleed jobs on a daily basis while politicians bicker in parliament over who moved the cheese.

The least the brewers can do for the rest of the suffering masses is to increase and not reduce the alcohol content.

We could really use that stiff drink during these trying times, straight and two beers.