Dear mom, Greeks won't be impressed with you
My friend Mpho is one of those lucky people who changes jobs like underwear. We hooked up years ago when I worked in Cape Town and had the craziest of experiences.
One dry weekend he decided to go home with his casino employer's float and, of course, we went on a drinking spree with the loot. The next day he did not even bother to report for work.
Then there was a time when he worked as a bartender at one of the hotels in the Mother City. I was delirious with anger when he quit because it meant the end of free drinks for me.
As a call centre agent for an international airline, he hooked me up with flight tickets and I flew to Holland just for the hell of it. No, I flew to Amsterdam to imbibe warm beer and check out their red-light district.
There was also a time when Mpho worked for an adult store in Century City. One late Saturday afternoon I went to pick him up at the end of his shift so our weekend could start in earnest.
When I got there, he was delayed packing new stock and I had no option but to hang around. I had never really explored the store before despite his lurid descriptions of what went on behind the scenes. I checked out the adult magazines, the video sleeve covers and condom brands I never knew existed.
Right at the back of the shop I went through an entrance and was entranced. Once my eyes adjusted to the dark atmosphere, I noticed I had entered the private booths. Mpho had told me about the booths or cubicles where customers could go and watch videos in privacy and do whatever yanked their chains.
My tour led me to the glory hole section. A glory hole is an area your sex education tutor never warned you about.
This is the place where strangers engage in all manner of copulation behind the walls save for a hole where their private organs meet and chafe.
I saw a tattooed girl with a dreamy expression being fellated and guys engaging in Greek sex.
In case you did not know, another name for Greek sex is anal sex. I don't have enough space to tell you why it is called Greek.
By the time Mpho was finally ready to leave, I could not wait to hit the bar and wash down my sexperiences with a cold one. My curiosity was piqued and I planned to return to the scene as a customer. Unfortunately, Mpho quit again before my planned sojourn.
I was reminded of my sexperiences this week when Modiehi Thulo, the mother of my crush, Boity, waded into a social media storm when she posted about anal sex.
The gorgeous mom has thousands of followers on Twitter and Instagram and regularly shares her pearls of wisdom.
In her own words: "I've seen many people dying from constant anal sex. The muscles on the anus don't contract back after sex, once the sphincter muscle laxity is reached, nothing can be retained. Hence people start wearing adult napkins."
The responses came fast and furious. She was called out for her ignorance and for spreading misinformation. I doubt if the celebrity's mother will be visiting Greece any time soon.