When lying is a beloved career, trust SA Liars Association to look after you

Home Affairs Minister Malusi Gigaba does not remember much about Dubai trips, thanks perhaps to bedazzling effects of the Saxonwold shebeen's curry.
Home Affairs Minister Malusi Gigaba does not remember much about Dubai trips, thanks perhaps to bedazzling effects of the Saxonwold shebeen's curry.
Image: ESA ALEXANDER

Four university students plan to arrive late for their final exam so they can write a supplementary exam the following year.

They arrive when the exam is almost over and head to the professor to explain their predicament. They tell him they tried their best to arrive on time for the exam, but their car tyre blew out, taking them too long to replace it.

The professor tells them: "Don't worry about it. You can take the test today and, since there's almost no time left, you only have to answer one question.

"If you get it right, I'll give you an A on the test."

The students, thinking this is even better than they thought, excitedly take their seats and look at the question: Which tyre blew out?

You are probably familiar with this classic. We all lie, in matters big and small. The real challenge is the art of telling a lie and make it sound convincing enough.

The South African Liars Association (Sala) has expressed deep reservations with the deteriorating quality of lies that are being spewed in public these days.

"Lying is one of the oldest professions, people need to up their game when they tell lies," said Sala president Truthless Manga-Manga.

He added that the organisation will be facilitating refreshment workshops ahead of the much-vaunted commission on state capture.

"We've already seen the inedible spectacle of ministers making fools of themselves before parliamentary inquiries into state-owned companies and it's easy to see they will be eaten alive by the state capture commission," Manga-Manga added.

As the empire of the Gupta family continues to crumble, some ministers and top officials who propped up the Saxonwold shebeen find themselves at sixes and sevens with the public, but Sala has proposed the following guidelines:

  • If you've been to Dubai and the trip was not paid from your pocket, be upfront with the information. The aviation and travel industries meticulously keep your information and excursions to Dubai cannot stay hidden forever. This week during a parliamentary inquiry, Candy Crush Minister Gigabytes could not remember how many times he had been to Dubai. Manga-Manga said the amnesia raised red flags.
  • If you've had curry at Saxonwold shebeen, avoid elaborate stories such as telling the Zondo commission that you thought the curry was harmless because even the leaders of opposition parties enjoyed it. While it's true that the Guptas made donations to Holomisa's UDM and feted the DA's Hellen Zille, there is scant evidence of the two parties returning the favour through kickbacks.
  • Do not underrate the victim. South Africans have suffered greatly as corruption engulfed the country but have shown that they won't be taken for granted forever. As you would know, none of the students who lied about the burst tyre passed the exam.
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