Womxndla to sex

Democracy has brought with it many freedoms, including women demanding their right to orgasms and equity in the bedroom, writes Somaya Stockenstroom.

Mzansi's female stars are changing the idea of what has been deemed "normal". They are bringing out "the sexy" and are not afraid of embracing their sexuality.

Leading the pack are Zodwa Wabantu, Nadia Nakai, Jacqui Carpede, Moonchild Sanelly and Thandiswa Mazwai.

Nakai's new rap album is titled Naked, and she surprised everyone when she performed at the Castle Lite Unlocks concert this week, exposing her buttocks and a large area of the pubic region.

Moonchild also hinted that she may open an adult sex club where no one will be judged.

"What I have noticed in my research is that there's a lot of old, white couples in this space. And, I am sure that there are a lot of people, like me, who want to go out and be naked and not care [about] their body shape or about being violated," Moonchild said in an interview with Metro FM.

Zodwa became famous not only for her raunchy dance moves but for wearing no panties on stage.

At Mazwai's Freedom Day concert, titled "Fetish", she said society needed to speak more about sex and sexuality so there can be less violence, hate and misunderstanding.

Carpede, of Jamali fame, dresses up in burlesque fashion as she presents her Red Light evening show.

Jacqui Carpede celebrates her sexuality.
Jacqui Carpede celebrates her sexuality.

"It was about accentuating the body that houses my mind, my soul, my creativity, my strength and all my complexities," she says.

"I'm not one dimensional, I'm an entertainer; an entrepreneur, as well as a woman. I'm finally able to be unapologetically comfortable in my own skin, an image I never saw growing up.

"Women with my complexion were never highlighted as beautiful, sexy and accomplished. It was about creating a positive body image for myself and hopefully for others."

She says the Red Light evenings concept was inspired by the thinking that says a black woman's healthy outlook on her sexuality equates to promiscuity.

"I created the concept to try and remove the negative connotations and taboos. Red light evenings are a fun, informative and entertaining experience where we're free to be ourselves without being judged for being sexual beings.

"There's a couples therapist on hand if people need sexual advice. It's a party for adults. We set the mood and you take it home," she says.

Carpede says her "out there" sexual fantasies are completely harmless.

"Being able to explore them in a safe space with an equally responsible, consenting adult is even better." 

Sex can be addictive

Dy Rowley Williams from Houghton House Rehab, in Johannesburg, says that not all addicts are addicted to sex.

"As with most things in life, addiction comes in many types. An addict is not addicted to everything. They may have a tendency to find addiction in things quickly, but are not automatically sex addicts."

A sex addict is someone who cannot control their addiction to sex, sexual content or pornography. Some of the mental and physical effects from sexual addiction include less time spent doing hobbies or hanging out with loved ones, loss of productivity, workplace sexual harassment and an increased chance of substance abuse.

Williams says at Houghton House, they offer a process of multidisciplinary treatments based on the Minnesota Model.

"This treatment provides a high success rate. Counselling psychologist Kenneth Wilson, the director of Outpatients, specialises in love addiction and sex addiction and his recovery stats are incredible.

"With any addiction there are risks of relapse, however with a dedicated rehab, recovery and post-rehab system of care, you should see full recovery from any addiction."

Freddy van Rensburg from Cape Town is a self-confessed sex addict who has since made it his mission to help others.

He says sex addiction is not yet classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as an illness.

"Medical aids do not pay for its treatment and it's generally expensive," he says.

He went into rehab for a drug and alcohol addiction.

He has been in recovery for nine years and went on to become a trained counsellor.

He says women experience more guilt and shame around sexual addiction and are less likely to ask for help. 

Doing porn for themselves

Global porn site Porn Hub statistics reveal they have a whopping 33.5bn visits per day.

They have 63,992 new visitors, with people watching 207, 405 videos and going through 57,750 searches per minute.

Although the site sees more traffic from men than women - the numbers are increasing on the female side.

Serenity Msuku is a 35-year- old divorcee who admits to being a regular visitor to the site.

"My preferences vary. Sometimes I search for lesbian intimacy whilst other times I search for the anaconda position - though I haven't tried it in real life. With the woman taking charge it gets me off quickly.

"I'm not attracted to women but watching them tribbing is sexier than watching a heterosexual couple. Porn also helps me with my own skills when I get intimate with my new guy."

Image: 123RF/ dmitrimaruta

Marlene Wasserman, better known as Doctor Eve, says SA tested as the third-highest when it came to the Porn Hub views. In the last 25 years, she found a significant shift in black South Africans' attitudes towards speaking about sexua-lity .

"Women buy sex toys from my store, acknowledge viewing porn and admit wanting more satisfying sex...

"I first found this when doing my research into Cyber infidelity. I was so surprised how women unleashed their sexuality online - no one is there to regulate or control them, nor stigmatise them.

"The dictum of sexual rights, including the right to pleasure, has been taken literally by women," she says.

Wasserman says according to research, top porn searches are: shaking things up, public sex, open relationships, meaningful sex and same-sex encounters.

The research also reveals that one in four men crave sex with a cross-dresser and have fantasised about sex with a transsexual.

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