BOOK EXTRACT | Types of people to have in your life and those to avoid

Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your happiness, enthusiasm and success.

Go with people who encourage you to fulfil your objectives as opposed to people who want to sabotage you. Surround yourself with people who will get the best out of you.

Connect with people who make you succeed. Stick to people who make you feel good and joyful.

Delete people who suck out the energy from you or your life. Never waste your valuable energy on gossip.

According to Denzel Washington: “Small minds discuss other people: gossip…”

Stay away from such people as they are toxic.

“…Good minds discuss events; great minds discuss ideas.”

You can choose whether you want to discuss events or ideas but would discussing events take you towards your goals?

I often listen to TD Jakes. In one of his sermons, he says that “to be covered by God, you cannot be limited by working only with people who look like you…”

You must get out of the box because God is going to use many people to bless you and move in and out of your life.

I also think that sometimes the devil uses people to annoy you, to irritate you, just like as much as the devil uses you to annoy and irritate other people.

TD Jakes says that you can’t be narrow-minded or one-dimensional — this is a coat of many colours.

It is important that you look for characters in people, not for their wealth and status in society.

People come in and out of your life for many reasons and we must always release them because God may have sent them into your life for a particular purpose.

There are various types of people who will come in and out of your life; you just need to know what the purpose is for their entrance into your life.

Sometimes in life, you have very few friends whom you rely on when days are dark and when things are not going well for you.

These kinds of people will be with you when you are at the top of the mountain and also in the valley of darkness.

They love you unconditionally. They are prepared to listen to your problems to believe in you when no-one else believes in you, including you.

They will stand with you when millions are against you. They accept you for who you are.

They walk and talk and show you by their actions that they care. They are trustworthy and are willing to tell you the truth when it is hard to do so.

They stick around you when things get tough. They are prepared to break bread with you when no-one else wants to do it.

They give more than they take. They are prepared to forgive you even when you have not apologised.

They give you a sense of belonging and security, knowing that you can always count on them. They are non-judgmental.

According to TD Jakes, these types of people can be called your confidants.

Having a good confidant is the key to “inheriting your kingdom” because you were raised outside the gate, and God is going to call you to reach over the wall.

You must have someone who can feed you so you can feed someone else. The confidants are the few people in your life that are for you. They are with you. They are intertwined in your life...

I am sure in your life you have come across a person or people who give you the impression that they are your friend and dump you as soon as they discover somebody else who thinks they will give them what they are looking for.

They are not into you; they are into what you represent. As long as you are for what they are for, they will walk with you, work with you and labour with you, but never think they are for you. They are with you for selfish reasons.

They are there for themselves, not for you...

This is the group that T.D. Jakes calls constituents.

Throughout your life, you will mistake your constituents for your confidants, particularly when you are broken. You will think they are for you.

By the time you get through falling in love with them, they will break your heart and hook up with someone who is for what they are for because it was never about you anyway. It was about the cause that you represent.

Apart from the two groups mentioned above, there are people in your life who are not for you, but they are against what you are against.

This type of group is what you can call comrades. Comrades make strange bedfellows.

The enemy causes them to come together with you. This is based on the adage that your enemy is my enemy, and your friend is my friend.

If we think about this situation in SA terms, we all know that political activists who were involved in the liberation Struggle call each other comrades even today.

They had one thing in common, they had an enemy that brought them together and that was the apartheid system.

There is a fourth type that I call “flip-floppers”. These are people who are capable of changing their opinion, thinking and sudden reversal of direction, attitude and belief.

To me, these types of people are toxic and it’s wise to stay away from them as you can never rely on them. They can disappoint you at the 11th hour when you need them most and still see nothing wrong in it.

As I grew up, I never was able to differentiate between these different types of people. I used to confuse comrades with confidants and used to get hurt and heartbroken when they moved out of my life or they left me.

Now I know that people will not always be in your life. They may not tell you that they will vanish.

This can be confusing because you go all the way for a person you think is your confidant or comrade, only to find out differently.

You feel hurt, cheated and deceived when a person you trusted leaves you and does something to hurt you.

Don’t depend on people like these if you want to achieve your dream...

It is also important to avoid telling your dreams to all people who come into your life. If you tell your dreams and goals to the wrong person, they may think that you are boasting.

They will not be happy for you. Human nature is ruled by an extremely toxic and negative emotion called jealousy. You must only surround yourself with positive people if you want to be successful.

When you become successful, expect a lot of criticism from people, especially from many who are closest to you.

If no-one is upset or unhappy with your choices and goals, then you should be worried because it is a bad sign of a lack of progress in your life.

It means that you are not doing something good, exceptional or worth your while. Once a person becomes successful, people start hating them, criticising them and looking for faults and mistakes.

If you are doing something right, expect criticism and all kinds of negative emotions from people.

This is an extract from 'Never Give up on Success' by Euphodia Liza Tsatsi.

About the author

Euphodia Tsatsi, also known as Liza, started her professional journey as a social worker, serving in both private and government roles.

Over time, she expanded her horizons and ventured into the realms of academia, research and entrepreneurship.

In 1998, Tsatsi became an advocate of the High Court of South Africa, which paved her way for her legal career. She holds a BA in social work as well as an honours and advanced diploma in social work. She completed her LLB (Postgraduate Bachelor of Law) in 1997, and her LLM (Master of Law) in 2000.

Tsatsi is a passionate community activist working with marginalized and disadvantaged groups. She is also a public speaker and hosts seminars and workshops.

Never Give Up on Success is her first book.