The first Black woman who inspired me to work out was my mother.

I grew up watching her work out five days a week, run marathons, and use gym as her therapy. Although this eventually led me to my love for fitness, I was not always the fittest. I played sports in school, but my weight fluctuated — and no one would remind me of this more than friends and family.

This made me weight conscious from a very young age, and even on my journey today I am constantly unlearning negativity towards my body that I have internalised. 

For years, many of us have been subjected to comments about our bodies regarding weight gain or loss, and only now do we have the language to call it what it is — body shaming. Where does this obsession with body image from? And how do we free ourselves from it?

“The focus on women’s bodies is nothing new in our communities... It is linked to the male gaze and how we as women are socialised to nurture and maintain our attractiveness to men,” says clinical psychologist and mental health activist Viwe Dweba. “Our socialisation is not only about conforming to the beauty standard of the day but also about teaching us to police one another in this regard.”

Most of the body shaming I’ve experienced has come from women, and although they may have meant well, it came from an internalised place of misogyny. They body shamed me because they were body shamed and believed it was okay.

“As Black women we have been through a lot,” says counselling social worker Irene Motaung. “Being overweight was initially valued in Europe, as it was associated with wealth and affording food — until the slave trade. When the West moved into Africa and realised that Africans inherently possess a bigger, more curvaceous physique, the standard shifted because anything we possessed was considered inhumane or barbaric.” Leading the beauty standard to become “skinny”.

However, the standards of beauty are constantly changing, especially for Black women. There is also shame in being “too skinny”.  

“HIV had a big influence in introducing a different kind of body shaming,” explains wellness specialist Dr Matshidiso Gule. “In the 1980s and 1990s you would see someone lose a lot of weight over a short period of time and die soon after, because ARVs back then weren’t well adopted.”

One individual who has experienced both ends of the stick — being body shamed for being overweight and then for losing that weight — is personal trainer Ntokozo Mangethe. She also came to her love for fitness from this experience and encourages women to become strong rather than changing themselves for public opinion.

“Body shaming comes from ignorance and a lack of self-awareness. People often shame you for something they have a problem with in themselves or the lack thereof, like muscles,” says Mangethe. “No one who has a positive relationship with themselves physically will body shame another. It is important to understand that it is never about you.”

A new dawn is on the horizon. Now that we understand that body shaming is a psychological problem, how do we stop the cycle?

“You must call them out! People continue with their bad behaviour because no one says anything about it. If you feel uncomfortable, address it, even if it is family,” says Gule. 

It is also important to remember that it is normal for our bodies to change at different stages of our lives as women.

Speaking to Victoria Sethabela, the first Black woman in South Africa to win the International Federation of Bodybuilding and Fitness’s “wellness and fitness” division in bodybuilding, I am reminded how important it is to grow a thick skin.

Finding fitness has helped and still helps me heal from so much, including body shaming, even though there is still the added pressure to not be “too fit” or have “too much muscle” as a Black woman. Finding women who look like me and have a similar body type has given me a sense of community and belief that I am enough and that it is okay to be strong. Women such as fitness coach Zinhle Masango, Biogen Face of Fitness 2020 Samantha Shabalala, fitness influencer Mapule Ndhlovu, and Sethabela — who all lift weights, squat, run, jump, and redefine what a Black woman’s body should look like by existing in their truth and what they believe — inspire me to do the same. Find your community.