WEDDING | The City Makoti

Modern meets traditional in the blended wedding of content creator Anika and property broker Siphesihle Dambuza. 

The meeting

Anika: We were both at Stellenbosch University, but we only met at a house party on 15 October 2018. The story Sihle likes to tell is that we once met in the BA building months before we met at the house party.

Sihle: It was a Tuesday morning and I was late for my Chinese class, and my lovely makoti [bride] was sitting outside the class but never went in. She was with a mutual acquaintance and, despite being late, I recall saying to myself: “Who is this lady?” We had a brief chat but I didn’t meet Anika again until the house party two months later. The reason for this is that our mutual acquaintance couldn’t remember who she was when I asked about her. When she walked into the house party, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

The dating life

Anika: We had “love at first sight” twice. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend but I could see he was into me. We’d spend so much time together but he wouldn’t say anything, so I took the initiative and I told him I liked him. Things between us became intimate and we chose to be exclusive. We were both students and didn’t have much money. So, we’d usually hang out at res. In the beginning of 2019, we had our first date — it was at a nearby restaurant and I had the yummiest oxtail.

The lightbulb moment

Anika: When we went for our December holidays at the end of 2018, my mother didn’t know about our relationship. Not only did I want to make sure that Sihle was the one but I was also scared of the race discussion. I had been a naughty and rebellious child and was worried she’d think it was a phase. So, I sent her a long message explaining and expressing my love for Sihle. I was crying when I sent her pictures of us, but she said to me: “Relax. I don’t know why you’re making a big deal about this. As long as he treats you well.”

Sihle: I told my parents the same day I met Anika that “I met my wife”. I never had a girlfriend before, she’s my first ever. I took an 11-hour bus in December 2019 from Makhanda [formerly Grahamstown] to Cape Town to see her — that’s when I knew she was the one.

Meeting the family

Anika: I met his family during the pandemic in 2020. I wore booty shorts and a top but I soon learnt that I had to wear dresses and skirts — at the time, I didn’t know or understand why, because we were just dating and not married, but I got to see how cultural Sihle’s family is.

The proposal

Anika: Sihle is my second boyfriend, my first one was in high school. Getting into a relationship with Sihle was for marriage, kids, and all that comes with that. We would often visit Sihle’s family in December so, in 2022, when he went home, he told me that he’d told his family that we were getting married the next December. All I was thinking was, “Where is the ring?” Afterwards we started looking for a venue, the dress, and suits. It was only in August 2023 that he went down on one knee — after the wedding invitations had been sent out.

Sihle: I chose to do the proposal at home. I wanted to surprise her by filling the room with balloons, but she opened the car boot and saw the balloons. She apologised and said that she’d pretend not to have seen anything. I read a letter that I’d written but couldn’t finish the third sentence without crying.

Lobola negotiations

Sihle: When I proposed, I asked her dad and then her mom for her hand in marriage, since her parents are divorced. Her mother told me that, as much as paying lobola is a nice gesture, she would rather we use the money towards our wedding.

Anika: My family is filled with women and I don’t have that many uncles, so even if we were to go the lobola route, it was going to be difficult to find uncles who’d represent me.

The weddings

Anika: We got married on 1 November at Home Affairs but our official ceremonies were on 28 and 29 December. We chose a venue that was nice and affordable and close to everyone. Belmont Golf Club in Makhanda was the most central place, as we couldn’t do a two-destination wedding.

A month before our wedding, Sihle’s aunt passed away and then his uncle passed away a week before the wedding. His parents called us, asking if we could reschedule, but we couldn’t because people from Cape Town had already bought their tickets to Makhanda. We delayed the running order of the wedding to later in the day, after the funeral. Our traditional wedding wasn’t open to the community owing to the restrictions, but many of my Afrikaans friends and family learnt a lot from the ceremony.

The dress

Anika: Since I’m not a girly woman, I chose a plain, simple dress and matched it with a long, beaded veil. I was super excited to wear my traditional attire, made by Uyinqaba Designs. I got some of my inspiration from their Instagram page to match the turquoise and orange as our colours. I also asked them to make a corset with a dress into one outfit and it turned out beautifully.

The suit

Sihle: I wanted a plain suit but I couldn’t find what I wanted, so I chose to match my wife. My traditional outfit was my favourite because we looked like the perfect couple that we are.