WEDDING | Clive Mathibe and Lebohang Toko prove that you can’t hurry love

Creative director Clive Mathibe and musical-theatre multi-hyphenate Lebohang Toko seal their 17-year love story with an epic celebration.

The meeting

Lebo: I thought he was an arrogant little somebody on campus, the senior who is so full of himself. Our love story took shape four years later in Grahamstown in James Ngcobo’s Touch My Blood play. On the first night, we saw each other and I was like, “Not this guy again.”

Clive: We went to Tshwane University of Technology and I was ahead of Lebo by three years. I was doing my drama degree and Lebo was at the musical-theatre department. When we saw each other after four years, I was like, “Oh my god, this guy is so hot.” He wore a black velvet tracksuit. I told the friend who was with me that I was in love and was going for him.

The dating life

Clive: I drove back to Joburg with two of my friends, one of whom was the actress in the play I was directing in Grahamstown. I remember thinking I needed to see him again, and called him.

Lebo: He asked me out to dinner and we never stopped seeing each other. Dating was fun; he would pick me up after my show and we would sing along to Beyoncé, go out, eat, party — and neither of us was broke because we were both working in the industry.

The lightbulb moment

Clive: We were back together after a seven-month breakup and had finished eating dinner at Lebo’s place. As we were washing the dishes, we got into a real conversation. I told him that I wanted this and wanted us to go to the next level and build a life together.

Lebo: I had put a wall up because I had been hurt before. While washing dishes, I broke that wall down and told myself I was going to be vulnerable and felt safe. If he was willing to catch me, I was willing to jump, and that is what has cemented our relationship. We’ve been together for 17 years, and sometimes I feel like we’re the same person.

Meeting the family

Clive: Lebo’s parents adored me. We had just bought our home and they visited for a week. It was the first time I got to spend time with his mom and one morning she made me mabela [sorghum] porridge because she knew how much I love it. We spent the morning with his mom telling me the entire family history, her history with Lebo’s dad and how they met. She was so generous and welcoming and always treated me like her child.

Lebo: With my parents I did not have a coming-out story and I never said to them, “This is my boyfriend.” They figured it out for themselves. During the speeches at the Bloemfontein wedding, when my family spoke about Clive, they would say, “For the past 15 years we’ve been seeing this guy at the most important ceremonies at the Toko household, and we’ve always asked ourselves, Who’s this guy? He is loud, comfortable, and respectful. But again, who is this guy?”

The proposal

Lebo: It’s bittersweet — it began when our parents started falling ill. It started with losing Clive’s father to cancer, to losing my mother to cancer, and then losing my father. For the past six years, we’ve lost someone close to us every single year. Last year, on 19 May, I woke him up and said, “We’re getting married on 30 November and 15 December. This is our year, nobody is dying.”

Clive: He delivered the news to me like he was doing a show booking. Everyone we loved had been waiting for it.

The wedding

Lebo: The morning of the Bloemfontein wedding, I didn’t know what to expect. Clive’s family came through and my family was there, and there was this amazing celebratory feeling. I was told to stay in the room so the elders could talk. For me, that was the moment when we became “us”; we were seated together in the same room with all our elders advising and blessing us. It was special.

Clive: After the Bloemfontein wedding, we had two weeks to prepare for the Pretoria wedding and it was the best party of our lives. My mother’s home was in Pretoria and after the formalities with our families, we had a party. I don’t identify with the Western concept of marriage. We didn’t have a white wedding. We had an outdoor stage and our artist friends performed. When people ask us when we are throwing that party again, we tell them it’s done. It was a proper get-down.

The suits

Lebo: For the Bloemfontein wedding, we wore Urban Zulu, designed by Papy Kaluw, Clive’s good friend. During the consultations, he imagined us in all white. What I loved about the white outfits was that everyone else was in all these beautiful colours, and the white allowed us to stand out and make it all about us.

Clive: For the wedding in Pretoria, at first, we were not going to wear the Imprint outfit as the main outfit. However, during our consultation with designer Mzukisi Mbane, he came across as somebody who understands us and will give our special day the care it needs.

When we were done with the first consultation, we decided that we did not need a second look. His outfits were the Beyoncé of the show. It was magical.