We’re knee deep in what’s basically a timeout for a whole country. Thanks to our inability to stay away from each other, Daddy Ramaphosa put all of us in the naughty corner and, it turns out, it sucks.

With one weekend under our belts and another on the way, many are asking, “How will we survive this?” A payday weekend spent indoors sans company is basically sacrilegious to most of us and we still have two weeks to go (we hope).

So, what do we need to survive lockdown? We have some ideas:

FITNESS APP 

The unintended benefit of all of this is that now we don’t have to go to the gym where a bunch of strangers think that being naked within a 4cm radius of you is normal. Instead, now we can wear what we want, fail how we want, and still get a good sweat in.

Good physical health is just as important as good mental health so doing a young 15-minute ab workout a day won’t just make you a post-lockdown snack but also a better-functioning human.

BOOZE

If you have a problem with alcohol or are a teetotaller, congratulations, you are doing God’s work. For the rest of us, a quick drink every now and then helps life go by with a bit more pizazz.

One can only hope that before the bell tolled last Thursday at midnight, the booze-fuelled Cinderella in you stocked up on enough of the devil’s nectar to get you through three, very long, weeks.

COLOGNE 

An underrated weapon in anyone’s arsenal. Smelling good makes you feel good and we are going to need a lot of good vibes to get through this. Now’s the time to take out that special-occasion scent you were saving and spoil yourself a bit.

UNLIMITED DATA

Between working from home, Instagram, and other internet-related activities, your data package is going to be working hard.

No amount of data price slashing from Telkom and co is going to save you from death-inducing boredom if you can’t get online. Plus, social media has never been funnier.

CLIPPERS

Three weeks without seeing your barber is going to leave your hair looking like some tumbleweed that someone dipped in black hair dye. It’s going to be grim. So if you have a pair of clippers you can at least do something to keep yourself from looking like you just got out of the trenches.

A SENSE OF HUMOUR

This is the most important thing. If you try to make it through this with your whole “hustle hard and grind” face, at some point your nose will get ground down to a stub. Steam needs to be let off and laughs need to be had.

We are in this for a while — probably longer than the 21 days the president promised us — so remember to laugh, joke, and be as merry as possible.