Opinion|Give me an app with info on public toilets and more

Image: 123RF/Diego Cervo

The other day I made a cardinal error. One we have all committed in our moments of weakness; leaving the safety of our own home without using the ablutions even though we felt "the tingle".

And, so it was that a few days ago I was faced with the trauma of having to use the dreaded and usually dreadful public toilets at the mall.

Most women approach public lavatories with a measure of trepidation as it is; between horror stories of in-bathroom-kidnapping schemes, broken latches that require you to turn into a ninja as you precariously balance while holding the door shut and flying in in a panic, only to discover that the toilet roll is emptier than a Congress of the People rally.

But I, like many others, fear above all an already occupied toilet bowl - which was my lot this time round.

Sad and traumatised at having encountered more than I had bargained for, I realised that the market was ready for an app which would effectively be the Wayze of public toilets.

This app would work in pretty much the same way as the already existent traffic app which lets you know the fastest route, hazards on the road, accidents ahead and, of course, the presence of cops. The yet unnamed technological marvel would allow one to improve their bathroom experience by logging in to see if the club bathroom you are about to brave after midnight has the following:

Traffic (how long is the loo line? How long will you have to pinch muscles you didn't know you had?);

Hazards (does the toilet stall have a broken toilet seat, non-flushing toilets, broken door latches or finished toilet paper); and

Accidents (projectile vomit. actually, projectile anything)

And, while I have your attention technopreneurs, it's bad enough that we live in a world that won't let us be great by being able to leave a WhatsApp group quietly and without anybody knowing.

This is why the app that allows your phone to automatically block any invites to a WhatsApp group once you are already part of one or more, is imperative.

Having to explain to your devout aunt why you left her daily scripture group would be a thing of the past.

Yeah, you're welcome.

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