So, where do fugitives go? Do they dye their hair and hideout like Rosumund Pike in Gone Girl or do they exchange crib notes from Ananias Mathe’s real-life prison break? The ability to disappear displayed by Duduzane Zuma and the Gupta brothers has left me asking more questions than the pages in Where’s Wally?

Someone who is definitely not answering these questions is State Security Minister, Dipuo Letsatsi-Duba, who made it clear that it is not her department’s responsibility to search for the Guptas and Zuma. The Guptas’ lawyers have been easy to communicate with for the parliamentary inquiry into state capture with speculations rife that they might be in the United Arab Emirates, but the fourth musketeer, Zuma, is still nowhere to be seen. 

My propensity to watch the Crime and Investigation Network had me thinking: what are the five most likely places where Duduzane Zuma may be hiding. Not only are these locations great for an extended holiday but they are also great places to get lost in without worrying about extradition laws.

Dubai

This is the kleptocrats' go-to destination which just so happens to be a UAE suspected destination for the Gupta family. Before the DA’s famous “made in Dubai” advertisement we all came to know the destination as a favourite amongst politicians when Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka went for a R70 000 work/vacation trip in 2007.  It’s a no brainer that Duduzane Zuma would find this a worthy hideout. Did we mention that he applied for permanent residency in 2015?

Places to relax: Hatta Pools

Family Leisure: Dubai Creek

Extradition agreements: Mutual Legal Assistance but no extradition law

Chile

When thinking of dream destinations, Chile might not be the number one destination to go to. However the country boasts an extensive itinerary. If he’s not, then he is probably hiding in the remote Patagonian mountains. Chile might not be big enough to get lost in but Selkirk Island is. Originally known as Mas Afuears (Spanish for farther out to sea) the mountaneous region is most interesting for its fauna and flora, although you might want to consider a little more culture at the local restaurants.

Places to relax: Playa del Burque Varado

Family leisure: Easter Island

Extradition agreements: Still in negotiation

Mauritius

From pristine beaches to upmarket villas, Mauritius is a favourite destination for many. Howver, the process of extraditing Zuma back to South Africa would be made difficult by one major condition — the Commonwealth Scheme for the Rendition of Fugitive Offenders (a legislation that allows fugitives in one country to be sent back to their native homes). Because South Africa is not included in the Commonwealth Scheme for the Rendition of Fugitive Offenders, Mauritius cannot sign a prisoner transfer agreement with the country. So if Zuma were to be caught frolicking the streets of Mauritius sending him back to South Africa would take a while to get him back home.

Places to relax: La Morne mountain

Family leisure: Maconde

Extradition agreement: None