Twenty-three people will die from suicide in SA today. Another 460 South Africans will try to end their lives today, according to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG).

They are from different cultural, gender, sexual orientation and income groups, different levels of education, speak different languages, range in age from childhood through to elderly. They have very little in common except that their lives all ended due to the final symptom of an illness.

People who experience suicidal thoughts describe this mental space as feeling grey. Their thoughts tend to keep returning to the futility of being alive, what a burden they are to those around them, how nothing will ever get better and that nobody can help them. They tend to experience feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, guilt, hopelessness, immense sadness and despair. But very often they smile, do their job, pass their exams and go about their daily lives. They look happy in their photos.

And when someone asks them if they are okay, they say yes. Because they don’t feel like they deserve to feel better. What brings them relief is that they can end this pain. And one day they do. And their colleagues, friends and family are left reeling with shock and disbelief. How could this have happened? How could they have missed the signs? What should they have done differently to prevent this?

This is the purpose of World Suicide Prevention Day, which takes place internationally each year on September 10, and through which the International Association for Suicide Prevention endeavours to increase awareness of suicidality, and to fight the stigma associated with suicide.

Wanting to die can occur along with many other symptoms and disorders including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, personality disorders and substance dependence or abuse disorders. .

However, there are certain factors which may indicate an increased risk. These include having previously tried to end their life, having a psychiatric illness, being seriously ill or having chronic pain or the misuse of substances. Legal, relationship, financial or academic stressors may increase suicide risk, as well as having access to lethal means to end their life and being unable to access mental healthcare.

So, what can you do if you think someone may be at risk? Talk to them. Tell them what you are worried about and give them the space to express how they feel without judgment or condemnation. Reach out to their support system and share your concerns with them. Encourage the suicidal person to make contact with a healthcare professional.

Other important members of our community who provide a great deal of assistance to suicidal people and their families include religious and spiritual leaders, teachers, support groups and employee assistance programmes.

In our culture of toxic positivity where our photos are touched up, our successes plastered on social media, the authentic act of acknowledging when we feel defeated, unhappy or like a failure has become a rarity. The more real, honest and vulnerable we can be about our "undesirable" emotions and experiences, the more space we create for others to do the same. When we normalise not being okay at all times, we give ourselves and others permission to speak up when we need help. And this is our greatest weapon against suicide – authentic connection.

Now, let’s focus on what suicide is not. Suicide is not a moral failing. It is not because the person was weak or selfish, it is not because their family was dysfunctional or their faith was not strong enough. Suicide is the final symptom of mental illness .

Dying by suicide is not a shame. It is not a failure.

Please think before you speak about someone who died due to suicide. I guarantee that at least one person in the conversation has suffered the pain of losing someone in this way. But you probably wouldn’t even know, because stigma silences.

Tomorrow, I encourage you to light a candle and place it in your windowsill around 8pm wherever you are. This is in remembrance of those lost to mental illness and to show your support to those they left behind.

If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm, please call the SADAG suicide emergency helpline: 0800-567-567

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* Vorster is a clinical psychologist at the School for Clinical Medicine at University of the Free State