I love my kid but school break is hell

Kwanele Ndlovu Singles Lane
The writer fears for her sanity with the school holidays upon us, since she is not up to entertaining her teenager and his friends.
The writer fears for her sanity with the school holidays upon us, since she is not up to entertaining her teenager and his friends.
Image: Limpopo Tourism Agency.

I am one of the few parents willing to admit that I did not have pregnancy as a New Year’s resolution at any stage of my life. I was young and fabulous and the kid just happened to me!

In fact, I do still wonder if I should just tell the poor kid to start interviewing some parents, and I will pay them a monthly fee in gratitude. But hey, it has been almost 16 years and I have grown to love my cub fiercely.

While we all love our spawn to death, and just cannot believe that we created such little wonders – we really do need a break from them. And sometimes, we need really long breaks from them.

For our sake! Especially seeing that most of these kids will not even allow you to take a breather in the loo. You would be sitting there, reminding yourself that spanking is a criminal offence and there is a knock and three questions and a request before you can even start crying.

We would all need therapy if there were no schools and aftercare to keep our kids for the greater part of the day. And most of us cannot afford the expense that comes with arrangements for kids who are home all day. So you can imagine the strain that is caused by this year’s school break.

Most school kids are going to be home for eight weeks, and that includes mine. Eight weeks! That is over 50 loaves of bread, gallons of Oros and an entire tribe of eggs. The kid fries everything and probably drinks the tomato sauce and mayonnaise. Did I mention that he eats three, four times a day.

Then without fail, he forgets to wash the dishes nor can he see crumbs anywhere in the kitchen. Then, because he is the village pope, there is always a few other stomachs to feed, and his dog.

Then there is someone out there scheduling concerts and youth parties for every weekend in December.  Now all those outings require fresh fashion, transport and spending money. A friend even suggested that we club together and take turns on hosting and feeding the lot.

A great idea if executed fairly, but it would fail as soon as it is my turn to be mother of the nation. I would be that one parent who cancels stay-over and fabricate a big lie to excuse myself from the responsibility.

Hey, I learnt from my mistake and have been on contraceptives ever since. I am not volunteering to keep track of kids who probably run faster than me and definitely have more energy.

And honestly, most of “other people’s kids” are so accustomed to yelling they would probably assume I am talking to myself if I try and reprimand them.

I also just hate searching for anything. I mostly just accept that things are lost and let them be. So I cannot be trusted with a child that cannot sit in one place and be silent with me.

I have no idea how I am going to afford being a parent for the duration of the school holidays. I do not have the privilege of burdening my mother with the kid. I get heart palpitations just wondering what he gets up to during the day when left to his own devices.

I guess the government just does not realise just how badly we perform at parenting. And that we have no idea what to do with a child that is not at school.

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