Uninvited guests know how to stand out

Starting from tomorrow, all our weekends will be riddled with imigidi, especially weddings and lobolo celebrations. This is probably the worst time of the year for an anxious introvert like myself.

But I still subscribe to the expectation that once you have been invited to a wedding, you must attend - it is an unspoken part of black tax.

You dare not snub a wedding invitation when folks had chosen your name out of 87 cousins and 30-odd friends!

So far, I have about five invitations for December, including an invitation to a total stranger's nuptials by word of mouth.

But that does not bother me really. I have come to accept that most wedding couples go through moments of wondering who the girl in the short red dress across the floor is.

It is that one awkward wedding gift from your family and loved one - extending invitations to random unknowns.

So I guess anyone tying the knot this season should really make peace with this and prepare for everlasting memories of a special day celebrated with "who is that guy though?" and all their loved ones.

What I have picked up over the years of attending weddings is that uninvited guests usually have no sense of occasion. Nix! They always stand out and just somehow become unforgettable.

They will be busy. Uninvited guests have insane energy. They need the rest room mirrors every half hour to just go look at themselves in disbelief for cracking yet another exclusive wedding invite.

Then they need to go outside to answer their phones. They will somehow find a way to reach the couple and congratulate them, even if that "Mr & Mrs" table is a metre up on the stage.

They will be inappropriately dressed. Chances are, the girl with a freakum dress and torn stalkings spilling champagne and screaming "love always wins" does not know the names of the wedded couple.

Or that guy wearing torn jeans and dirty tekkies with a cap. "Haute Couture?" He did not see the invite after all.

They will need a lift. Always! The one person who was not supposed to be at the event in the first place just always never has transport to go away. Way past midnight, someone will have to start asking the handful patrons left behind to drop them off at odd places. And of course, they do not have a taxi app, nor did they bring their wallets.

Then, as if everything thing else was not enough, they will feature in most of the wedding photos!

Snapped whispering something to the groom's uncle. Snapped at the back in that one photo the priest had time to shoot with the couple before dashing off. Snapped raising both hands up high during the opening prayer at the wedding reception. Snapped assisting the bride with her dress before everyone else had a chance for snaps!