No chance for we potbellied types

Pretty privilege, yeah that's one of the terms that "the woke" have added to the urban dictionary. It is not exactly up there with white privilege and patriarchy as the evils Black Twitter enjoins us to confront and defeat. But it is as real.

Otherwise how would you explain the public drooling that accompanied the appearance of one of the alleged chief architects of state capture before the Zondo commission this week?

He was named Duduzani and his twin sister, Duduzile. But in this country where indigenous languages do not always enjoy the respect accorded to European tongues, his name has come to be spelt Duduzane.

Former president Jacob Zuma's favourite son was at the commission to answer to grave charges that he used his proximity to power to sell SA to the Guptas.

Some serious stuff.

Yet the appearance was accompanied by such social media comments as: "Mara Duduzane deserves to be under house arrest, my house to be specific," wrote @Refilwe.

Phats wrote: "I can barely concentrate on what he is saying. Modimo!!"

While some were impressed by his eloquence in the queen's language.

Duduzane definitely played his part: a mohawk, clean shaved, tailored suits, and charisma... Women working in the same building hosting the commission were mesmerised.

As soon as he walked in, they lined up for pictures and he duly obliged even being polite enough to ask for the names of people he took pictures with.

It happened whether he was going for a comfort break, lunch or leaving the proceedings for the day. Star-stuck police officers would join in the madness of asking for selfies with him.

Colleagues asked me to beg him to come down to our office to say hi, I obviously refused.

So charming was Duduzane that a female commission staffer moved from the evidence leader's side of the room to go take a selfie with him.

A Newzroom Afrika videographer asked me to take a photograph of her with Duduzane, much to my annoyance. "We are here to work, and not to be fans," I said under my breath.

"Yoh, Duduzane is handsome," exclaimed a female photographer next to me.

"Not you too," with my eyes rolling were the kindest words I could muster.

Jealous much? Perhaps, but my eyes were fixed on his equally good looking twin. who came to support her brother. I must say, my best shots were those of Duduzile. But unlike my colleagues, I was not comfortable with asking her for a selfie.

Ladies, you can drool all you want over him but he is taken - unless he is a polygamist like his father.

Secondly, he lives in Dubai, so visuals of him are scarce. Thirdly, your reality is us, potbellied, bantu-education- English-speaking men.

Having said all of this, let me put this on record - if only for peace in my house: Sorry ladies, I'm also taken.

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