We've got news for you.

Register on SowetanLIVE at no cost to receive newsletters, read exclusive articles & more.
Register now

Ladies, please don't part with your money in bed


"In any relationship, always have the money sorted out first."

My old boss hammered this into me when I first started working as a publisher and started handling budgets and assuming responsibility for some of the company's profits.

Relationships can be quite dreamy to get into, with all the excitement that comes with the promise of a new adventure.

As a publisher, meeting a new interesting author with an equally interesting story can lead to one getting carried away, and before you know it, the conversation has advanced and none of the business has been attended to. Authors claim not to care about the money as it means a lot for them to be pursuing their passion. Bulls***t!

When the royalty statements come out there is a completely different beast interrogating them and throwing wild accusations.

And so, eventually when my boss's lesson finally settled in me, I had a much lovelier time with my authors. It would be uncomfortable and awkward in the beginning but then it would be easy and lovely going forward.

And a lot of it has to do with how we black people were raised to believe that talking about money is crass. We are sent to neighbours to ask about "the parcel" instead of saying: "My mother wants to know when you will pay back the money you loaned from her".

This virtuous nonsense has not served us well, especially when it comes to romantic relationships in which women have more money.

I am not against dating men with less money but we have already established that men are trash, so they will lie and they will mislead you, and you have absolutely no control over that.

However, your money that you work for by yourself should be a completely different scenario.

I have seen way too many women in debt because of: "Baby please get a loan and I will settle it in two months," or, "My credit record is not okay but if you get the car approved we can sort it out with the money from the business."

Before you know it, you are blocked on WhatsApp and your calls go unanswered and missed calls are not returned.

Ladies, I know you love your men, but do yourselves and your credit health a favour, never discuss a loan with a man post-coitus. If he starts that conversation in bed, ask him to call you tomorrow. Never ever make financial decisions while clouded by orgasm residue.

Men know sex is bewitching, and the ones that deliver the best sex are usually the worst scammers. Stay alert!

The next day, if he is still persistent, ask to see proof of where this money is coming from. Anything over R1,000 needs paperwork. Sign a contract. If he is hurt by this, he never had any intention of paying you back.

Do your due diligence. In that instant you are not his girlfriend, you are a creditor and you need to protect yourself. Where is his proof of income? Where is this big order that is supposed to be paying next month?

If he fails to pay, what can you attach to recoup your money?

If that man is married, sweetie, don't give him money - that would be my first advice. If you must be completely dick-matised, make sure you EFT the money.

And your reference must always be, "Loan to be paid back". If he dies you can go after his estate. Guard your purse, Cyril's economy is harsh.

Would you like to comment on this article?
Register (it's quick and free) or sign in now.

Speech Bubbles

Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.

Commenting is subject to our house rules.