Are parties too broke?

As far as television advertising goes, this must be the most low-key election campaign we have had in years.

Vera has not seen a single political advert on television to support this or that other political party, and it's only 39 days to go before the polls!

What, are our parties broke? Or were they, at least two of them, banking on the now troubled Bosasa and VBS for their respective campaign budgets?

EFF's Son of The Soil cult

At least the ones in red berets seem to have their game on point when it comes to street posters and election billboards.

Everywhere Vera goes, the streets are painted red. But she does have a question for the fighters. Must almost all of the posters have the face of the Son of The Soil? You are a political party guys, and your leader is not a Shepherd Bushiri.

Shady manifesto launch

Since money is too tight to mention, as that 80s song used to say even for our political parties, it is good to see one of the new parties finding an innovative way of marketing its message without breaking the bank to pay the SABC and other media houses.

While others spend millions on manifesto launches at packed sports stadia, one Hlaudi Motsoeneng did away with all the fanfare and launched his party's under a tree in his own backyard.

For that alone, Vera was willing to give her vote to the former SABC boss for demonstrating his ability to work with meagre resources.

But, then, she listened to the content of his tree manifesto!

Hlaudi as his own spokesman

"I have a plan for this country to turn around the lives of our people," Motsoeneng said. So far so good, Vera thought. But then he started speaking of himself in third person: "The person who is going to change SA, whether we like it or not, is Hlaudi Motsoeneng - the president of the ACM". Really, who does that besides a megalomaniac?

Happiness, thanks, but no thanks

He wasn't done: "The only way for you to change your life... is voting Hlaudi Motsoeneng to ascend to Union Buildings. I can tell you... within six months, SA will be a different country, it will be happiness..."

Yeah right, the same kind of "happiness" that left SABC broke and thousands of jobs under threat?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Curry hits fan in Manyi, Mbaks twar

But, if there is anyone who needs happiness right now, it must be one Fikile Mbalula. The ANC's head of elections does not take kindly to criticism, especially when it comes from a fellow who, like Mbaks, also fed himself silly with curry at the Saxonwold Shebeen.

Gupta front-man Mzwanele Manyi angered Mbaks on Twitter by suggesting that he perjured himself at the Zondo Commission on state capture.

"Uy*ny* perjury is your ass," Mbaks angrily responded.

"Wany*swa ngu adv Maleka {evidence leader advocate Maleka made you sh*t in your pants) uhamba uthetha ik*k* kwi twitter (now you go around talking sh*t on twitter). You are a dog Manyi"

So much profanity Mbaks?

Vera can only imagine the swear words he'll use if, after working so hard to have the ANC re-elected into power, the president decides not to return him to cabinet.

Theresa May sounds like Baba

Did you see British prime minister Theresa May trying to pull a Jacob Zuma on her MPs the other day? In desperation to get the MPs vote for her Brexit deal, May promised to step down as Prime Minister only if the deal is signed.

This was, of course, a delaying tactic, just like Msholozi's plea to stay on a bit longer in order to "introduce" Ramaphosa to other African leaders.