New singing sensation L'Agrizzi's opera performance deserving of an encore

Fred Khumalo Watching You
Former Bosasa chief operating officer Angelo Agrizzi's testimony has added plenty of drama to the commission of inquiry into state capture.
Former Bosasa chief operating officer Angelo Agrizzi's testimony has added plenty of drama to the commission of inquiry into state capture.
Image: ALON SKUY

We spent the first instalment of our new series, Game of Bags, introducing some major players in the saga, including Thumamina, Gedle and Cloudy, who happen to be from the Khongolose side of the bigger Mzansi family.

This, unfortunately, has offended other members of the larger Mzansi family who believe we are biased towards the Khongolose clan.

In an attempt at balance, the creators of the show then dispatched a camera and sound crew to the Cape where the Dadas family is based, travailing under the yoke of the benevolent dictator, Gogo Zilazila, ably aided by her garden boy, MyMoney.

The crew had just landed in the visdorpie, when an empty bottle of wine was thrown at them by an irate Anti Petrishiya.

Now a glorified bergie running her own outfit called Goodest, Anti Petrishiya's departure from the Dadas has robbed this dour outfit of all possible drama befitting a show of such exacting artistic standards as Game of Bags.

The day our crew arrived in the Cape, there were rumours that the rotund Dada tea-girl who was exiled some years ago, was back. But attempts to get her failed.

Which is why we then sent our crew to a musical performance at the State-Capture Theatre, paying tribute to Khongolose. When it comes to drama, Khongolose delivers.

The story takes the form of an opera featuring the new singing sensation, D'Angelo L'Agrizzi. He is performing under the baton of Maestro Raimondo Lazzondo.

The camera zooms in on L'Agrizzi, who is on stage now. He sucks in his stomach, without much success.

The baton falls. L'Agrizzi launches into song. He sings of how Don Gaviscone Wazzoni drives his Ferrari to the kingdom by the coast, there to meet Gedleyihlekisa.

Handing over a bag with R300,000 in cash, Don Wazzoni says: "Here, Gedle, make sure the tjatjarag NPA prosecutors stop poking their noses in the affairs of the Wazzoni family."

With the fire-pool bubbling in the background, Gedle smiles and rubs his impressively ridged cranium. Then he says: "It's pashasha, bozza. It's double-dolly. I'll deal with them."

Suddenly remembering that his friend is arithmetically challenged, Wazzoni helps him count the money: eleventeen, thirteen, sixteen, twenty-nineteen we win again, hhayi-bo, listen carefully now.

Cut back to L'Agrizzi (still singing). Zululiyaduduma, an attractive lady said to be a star in Gedle's firmament, complains she's been overlooked by Don Wazzoni.

Don Wazzoni asks his wife: "How do I impress her?" Signora Wazzoni says: "Give her an offer she can't refuse." Don Wazzoni frowns, saying: "Isn't it too early for that?" Signora Wazzoni says: "Just joking; give her a bag."

So, vrooooom! Don Wazzoni drives to Zululiyaduduma's house. With a Louis Vuitton full of cash. To the amount of R300,000.

Then Lady Mvula'iyana, also close to Gedle, complains: "Don Wazzoni, can I wet my beak?" It falls on L'Agrizzi himself to grease her hand. With R300,000. Delivered in cash. And lots of chicken braai packs. Chicken and darkies, what can we say?

During intermission at the L'Agrizzi performance, a journalist is overheard saying: "Say, bru, doesn't L'Agrizzi remind you of Brettuscone Kerbuloni, that chap who also greased the palms of Khongolose people, then died mysteriously? Maybe L'Agrizzi is actually a ghost of Kerbuloni."

His colleague says: "I think you're dreaming about the ghost of Banquo, in that Shakespeare play. This L'Agrizzi is for real. He is no ghost."

The episode of Game of Bags ends with L'Agrizzi crooning "it's not over; no, it's not over!"

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