Dilemma at the ballot: Who to vote for as corruption defines SA
South Africa's politics today is depressing. It will be very hard for voters next year to decide which party to vote for.
Truth be told, our country has three political choices: the ANC, DA or EFF. The other smaller parties receive sympathy votes from goodhearted people who do not want to see Bantu Holomisa, Mangosuthu Buthelezi or Themba Godi eat dust in Mthatha, Mahlabathini or Bushbuckridge.
The summary of our depressing story is that the ANC is a massive national university of corruption. It has produced excellent graduates who have passed their corruptionology studies with distinction: the EFF. The DA continues to fight for its dear life in a racial intensive care unit.
The ANC has corrupted South Africa beyond repair. The virus is thuma mina drug resistant. If you want to see the best of ANC corruption, go to local government. In ANC-run municipalities, you will never get a job or tender without political connections.
Candidates for municipal positions are screened to ensure that they comply with the party's lowest corruption standards. Go to any ANC-run municipality and ask any honest procurement official to tell you the truth - if there are still such honest officials.
It is not possible to clean ANC corruption out of our municipalities; it has become an entrenched culture. The party can hire George Orwell's Squealer to deny this, but ordinary South Africans know it.
If you want to know who the senior deans and professors in the ANC's university of corruption are, watch the state capture commission. Jacob Zuma is professor emeritus, Nhlanhla Nene, Malusi Gigaba, Bathabile Dlamini and Nomvula Mokonyane are certainly among the leading lights of the party's sordid academy.
The most elevated guru at the ANC University must be its deputy president, DD Mabuza, followed by the secretary-general himself. How do you vote for such thugs?
Then come the students: the EFF. By the time Julius Malema and Floyd Shivambu formed their outfit, they had already completed and mastered their corruption studies at the ANC University.
Malema did his corruption apprenticeship in Limpopo, where he proved the perfection of his training and expertise by looting the resources of that province until it collapsed.
Shivambu has always been looking for an opportunity to prove he is a virtuoso in corruption. Recently, he surfaced in the Great Bank Heist.
At his young age, there are few corruption professors in the world who can match the sharpness of his talent. Again, the voter faces the same dilemma: How do you vote for such gifted young professors?
The DA has been projecting itself as a kind of Mr Clean, beating the drum of good governance in the Western Cape until it developed a big hole in the middle.
As the DA was trying to get rid of Patricia de Lille, the party told us that she is corrupt - meaning if we follow logic to its end, a DA's mayor is corrupt.
Since the DA tasted power in Gauteng metros and elsewhere, senior party officials have tested the sweetness that comes with the office. The multi-billion-rand corruption scandal that nearly cost Solly Msimanga's job has died down, but nostrils in Tshwane are still disturbed by its putrid smell.
Allegations of DA-EFF collaboration in big corruption tenders in the city of Johannesburg are being discussed in township shebeens and churches.
The DA's white wire poolers in Cape Town continue to lose their heads in the political smoke of their own echo chamber, sticking to their discredited puppet strategy. They expect black people to dance like Zakumi.
Such is the headache of our politics today. Maybe time will rescue us - finally.