Open with care

Never in her wildest dreams has Vera ever thought it would come to this.

It's been about four months of Cupcake's rule and she can't help thinking this whole thing should have come with a warning - not dissimilar to the type they slap on a pack of smokes or music with explicit lyrics.

Wouldn't it have been nice that there was a "Extremely Boring Times Ahead" before we, The People of the South, went ahead and unwrapped the Cupcake?

Who sent us this fella?

Now we are bored stiff, forced into discussing the weather and the nauseating petrol price hikes.

Can't we send the package back to sender already, seeing that the buffalo bull is nothing but a one-trick pony with little to offer beyond rehashing Bra Hugh's lyrics?

Always PG 16 by the firepool

Awuleth'umshini wam, bring back uBaba ka Duduzane, I say. At least with him life in Mzansi always felt like we were all taking part in a music video shoot, with the crooner working his magic on the mic at every turn.

And, snippets of news from Nkandla always made us stay riveted no end, so much so that we forgot the mundane daily humdrum of survival.

The chief act was ably aided by equally harlequin cameos by the likes of Faith, Des and what's her name ... the one who'd risk having gogos go without their pensions rather than to take business away from filthy-rich CPS .

Chaos rules Luthuli House

Baba ka D may be gone, but the confusion at Luthuli House lives on.

The situation is so dire that reporters now have to call second or third sources to confirm anything that Ace Magashule, the secretary-general says in his press statements.

Who can blame the scribes? Just the other day Bra Ace told reporters that the party had decided to postpone all regional conferences only to have party spokesman Pule Mabe publicly contradicting him a few hours later.

Finally sobering up

It turns out the absence of Baba ka D is not entirely to blame for the sleep-inducing proceedings that have now replaced lively debates in the National Assembly.

It was no sobering news to Vera when she learnt this week that parly had placed newspaper adverts, looking to fill the vacant post of parliamentary barman.

Now we know why one of ubaba's favourite ministers missed so many appearances before a parliamentary committee hearing. There was no one to serve the drinks!

What's a girl to do after a grilling but resort to some tipple?

Vera agrees, someone has to be charged with serious dereliction of duty. How can such a vital position ever be allowed to go unfilled, even for a second?

Prayer for mayors

As a pastor, Mmusi Maimane probably had no need to be served by the barman in parliament. But, these days he must be waking up in the morning with a headache as huge as that of a babalased student. What with all these errant mayors who keep on embarrassing his party.

Still battling to find ways of parting Aunty Pat in die Kaap with the mayoral chain, the pastor now has to fire two more.

The first is Mark Willemse, the Knysna mayor who worked with his opposition to remove his predecessor and fellow DA member from power.

The second one is a Melvin Naik, a mayor in George, who would not approve a performance by a choir in his town because its members are gay.

The way things are going, the good pastor will soon be praying that his party stop winning municipal elections so that he can have no troubles with mayors.