Fasten the seat belt, the season of madness is upon us ... again
Ke Dezemba, boss. Better start shaking things up because we shall soon be knocking on your door for a little drink here, a smallernyana braai there.
When I heard of four break-ins last week in Buccleuch, I first wondered why all of a sudden? But then I remembered, ah, ke Dezemba. Under normal circumstances, Buccleuch is no one's idea of paradise, but four break-ins in one week for such a small neighbourhood is remarkable.
Ke Dezemba, boss. Another reminder for me was when I was being picked up from the airport by a driver from a shuttle service the other day.
When I got in the backseat of the car as is the norm, the driver chastised me: "The boys have started working, sir. If you sit in the back, you risk being mistaken for an international visitor with all the money. They will hijack us, and take whatever you've got, or they'll follow us all the way to your house. Imagine what might happen then."
A chilling assessment which impelled me to move to the front passenger seat.
Ke Dezemba, boss. There's something about the impending festive season that drives people to desperation. Everyone wants to have money during the festive season.
But, dear South Africans, how did we get here? How did we get to a stage where we accept, without any sense of irony, that around the December period we can expect an escalation of crime, and we are fine about it?
This acceptance of the inevitable goes to our attitude towards the road carnage that takes place on our roads around Christmas and the Easter weekend.
How did we get here?
Ke Dezemba, boss. This festive season hits us at a time when there are so many balls in the air. Across the river, the Robert Mugabe saga is playing itself out. I'm relieved there hasn't been any bloodshed so far, but it's too early to celebrate.
Our Zim brothers and sisters who are resident here in South Africa, and who normally go home over the festive season, are not sure how things are going to work out in their homeland.
Would it be safe to go home for Christmas, or should they stay put? The ball is still in the air.
Another ball that is still in the air is that of the ANC. The ruling party is having its Dezemba challenge.
The party faithful have already started jostling around as they put their weight behind their preferred candidates for president of the ANC. Inevitably, there's so much at stake, and the fight is likely to be intense.
To those of us who were born into Christianity, December is the time when the Virgin Mary bore us her son, the Saviour.
It is therefore inevitable that Christian leaders will be rolling up their sleeves, getting ready to put shoulder to the wheel so that humanity celebrates the festive season for what it should be: a time of renewal.
Given the frenetic activity of this period, I was not surprised to see so-called Prophet Penuel Mnguni, the chap who made people eat grass and snakes, coming out of hiding.
In his attempt at getting a slice of the Christmas action, Mnguni's strategy is to make his congregants eat cockroaches and flowers, and drink an unnamed poison.
Because his followers apparently don't fall sick after eating this crazy cocktail, we can't help but ask: "what is their secret?"
The answer: they have faith! If you have faith, not only will you be safe from stupid poisons, but you won't hesitate to pay Mnguni for saving your soul, Amen!
Ke Dezemba, boss. If you don't open your eyes, you shall be eaten alive.