Princess and the peeve

AS Vera was floating about at defence headquarters in Pretoria she came across a woman sobbing inconsolably.

On closer inspection it turned out it was none other than Princess Nonceba Lindiwe Sisulu. People in the corridors were whispering that she had just been moved from the glamorous Defence Ministry to the gritty Public Service ministry.

So she would now no longer be able to wear those sexy military uniforms to state events. She would no longer be saluted by generals and admirals. She would also no longer be in a position to refuse to answer questions for "security reasons". No longer will she be able to scream at the DA's David Maynier.

Aaagh shame, poor thing.

Wardrobe malfunction

Adding to the princess' misery is that she will now have to hang around Zwelinzima Vavi, Sadtu's Thobile Ntola, Nehawu's Fikile Majola and those guys from Solidarity.

And instead of slapping striking soldiers with court-martials, she will have to accept memoranda from angry workers.

Vera can't wait to see which fashion label she'll be wearing when she addresses workers from the back of a truck.

Blunt Blade cuts losses

Vera's favourite bourgeois communist put on his boxing gloves and went to Durban recently to put workers in their place.

After angering the workers by chastising them for demanding that he leave his cushy government job and lose his flashy car, he then tried to charm them.

He did many Phansi! slogans and got the enthusiastic Phansi! responses from the workers.

But being a cabinet minister he could not bring himself to say Phansi !nge e-tolls Phansi!, prompting workers to shout him down.

The bourgeois communist, who had never been booed by unionists before, ended up in hospital recovering from the emotional breakdown.

But as soon as he heard that some ANC leaders planned to take on President Jacob "I know what I'm doing" Zuma at the NEC meeting, he got out of his pyjamas and ran off to defend his paymaster.

Know where your bread is buttered...

Cop is being caught up

THE new top cop, Mangwashi Phiyega, started her career on a high note this week by feeding the media with nice sound-bites.

Quizzed about her lack of policing experience, she simply said: "You do not need to be a drunkard to own a bottle store."

She may as well have continued to say you do not need to be a drug addict to push drugs.

Nice start, but Vera thinks she will need a lot of work to catch up to Bheki Cele, the master of great quotes.

Vera would like to share a little observation.

When Maria Ramos arrived at Transnet in 2004, she and Phiyega were immediately at each others' throats. Phiyega jumped ship and went to Absa.

Then Ramos left Transnet to head up Absa.

Phiyega was forced to jump ship again to flee her nemesis.

Based on this pattern, Vera predicts that Ramos' next job is minister of police.

• Vera's Question of the Week: Will the new top cop be patrolling the streets of Hillbrow on New Year's eve?