DURING the run-up to the 2011 local government elections Madame Godzille of the Godzille-De Lille Connection went around telling everyone who cared to listen that administrations under her party - provincial and local - were run efficiently and competently. She even had facts and figures at her fingertips to back it all up.
The madam, who is also premier of Western Cape, was so convincing that Guluva at one stage took a conscious decision to abandon his Jozi pad to go and live in the vissersdorpie so that he, too, could benefit from the fruits of freedom that have eluded him in Gauteng under a succession of Ain't Seen Nothing Yet premiers - right from Tokyo Sexwale, Mathole Motshekga, Mbhazima Shilowa and Paul Mashatile to Nomvula "Mama Action" Mokonyane.
That was the plan until recently, when Guluva heard the madam saying on radio that it took her provincial government two full years to award a R70-million-a-year communications tender to advertising agency TBWA South Africa, because her administration had to go through things such as "due diligence", "internal processes", "internal assessments" and so on.
If it takes the madam's efficient provincial government two years to award a tender, how long does it take it to do other things, such as effecting service delivery?
So, for now, Guluva will stay put in Jozi with his Mama Action, warts and all. As they say, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
Spot the similarities
WHAT do Oom Gwede and the Woodwork Boy, aka Juju, have in common, except for their membership of the revolutionary party, the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet?
Well, they both don't seem to like our white compatriots very much.
Juju nailed his colours to the mast as far as nonracialism was concerned when he said in the run-up to this year's municipal elections: "The DA is for whites, the ANC is for you."
Last week Oom Gwede had this to say in a one-on-one interview with Sowetan editor Mpumelelo Mkhabela: "Look at the kind of people taking matters to the Constitutional Court. It is people like Paul Hoffman, Hugh Glenister, AfriForum and others."
Can you spot the similarities?
Flight of the pigs
GULUVA hates kicking a man when he is down, or telling him: "I told you so".
But the street rascal is eagerly and patiently awaiting the first instalment of an uninterrupted year's supply of masonja (mopani worms) from SABC acting makhulu boss Phil Molefe, who lost a bet when Premier Soccer League spurned the public broadcaster by awarding the league's broadcasting rights to Supersport International.
Molefe had earlier assured his viewers that the SABC would usurp the PSL's broadcasting rights from the pay channel because the public broadcaster had a public mandate to beam soccer games to every household in Mzansi.
But Guluva confidently told him that that day would never come. The street rascal was vindicated on Friday when it was reported that Supersport International had offered to buy the rights for a staggering R2,5billion.
Now Guluva can go a step further and say the day when "Dithering Heights" regains the rights to broadcast PSL games is the day when pigs will fly.
E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com.
Same old, same old, sad story
DURING the run-up to the 2011 local government elections Madame Godzille of the Godzille-De Lille Connection went around telling everyone who cared to listen that administrations under her party - provincial and local - were run efficiently and competently. She even had facts and figures at her fingertips to back it all up.
The madam, who is also premier of Western Cape, was so convincing that Guluva at one stage took a conscious decision to abandon his Jozi pad to go and live in the vissersdorpie so that he, too, could benefit from the fruits of freedom that have eluded him in Gauteng under a succession of Ain't Seen Nothing Yet premiers - right from Tokyo Sexwale, Mathole Motshekga, Mbhazima Shilowa and Paul Mashatile to Nomvula "Mama Action" Mokonyane.
That was the plan until recently, when Guluva heard the madam saying on radio that it took her provincial government two full years to award a R70-million-a-year communications tender to advertising agency TBWA South Africa, because her administration had to go through things such as "due diligence", "internal processes", "internal assessments" and so on.
If it takes the madam's efficient provincial government two years to award a tender, how long does it take it to do other things, such as effecting service delivery?
So, for now, Guluva will stay put in Jozi with his Mama Action, warts and all. As they say, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
Spot the similarities
WHAT do Oom Gwede and the Woodwork Boy, aka Juju, have in common, except for their membership of the revolutionary party, the Ain't Seen Nothing Yet?
Well, they both don't seem to like our white compatriots very much.
Juju nailed his colours to the mast as far as nonracialism was concerned when he said in the run-up to this year's municipal elections: "The DA is for whites, the ANC is for you."
Last week Oom Gwede had this to say in a one-on-one interview with Sowetan editor Mpumelelo Mkhabela: "Look at the kind of people taking matters to the Constitutional Court. It is people like Paul Hoffman, Hugh Glenister, AfriForum and others."
Can you spot the similarities?
Flight of the pigs
GULUVA hates kicking a man when he is down, or telling him: "I told you so".
But the street rascal is eagerly and patiently awaiting the first instalment of an uninterrupted year's supply of masonja (mopani worms) from SABC acting makhulu boss Phil Molefe, who lost a bet when Premier Soccer League spurned the public broadcaster by awarding the league's broadcasting rights to Supersport International.
Molefe had earlier assured his viewers that the SABC would usurp the PSL's broadcasting rights from the pay channel because the public broadcaster had a public mandate to beam soccer games to every household in Mzansi.
But Guluva confidently told him that that day would never come. The street rascal was vindicated on Friday when it was reported that Supersport International had offered to buy the rights for a staggering R2,5billion.
Now Guluva can go a step further and say the day when "Dithering Heights" regains the rights to broadcast PSL games is the day when pigs will fly.
E-mail Guluva on thatha.guluva@gmail.com.