Institutions of higher learning are inundated with men my age, with student numbers from the year 2002 and their live-in girlfriends in university residences.

They get the few available leadership positions in every contest, depriving 20-year-olds the opportunity to learn valuable interpersonal and relationship building skills through leading their peers.

When they finally ascend to their stolen thrones, they exploit whatever funding is allocated for fellow students.

This gang of "Chiefs" and "My Leaders" hardly ever graduate. They have little desire to attend lectures past registering the minimum required module for their courses.

They designate spots around campus that are reserved for their random rendezvous to plot the next campaign for relevance and popularity.

They spend almost a decade trying to conquer a bachelor of arts degree, some political science before crossing floors to study admin or education. By the 11th year, they would have failed drama, human resources, sociology and might have even been spotted in a lab coat at the science department.

This in turn enriches their vast general knowledge and broadens their wisdom to the extent that you cannot argue with them about the ineptness of the education system in that particular institution. They know everything!

Student life is in their veins and they pretty much now qualify to opine on the fitness and competency of the lecturers and maybe even shut down the institution if they wanted to!

They keep thick dictionaries at their study desk and maintain an abusive relationship with the thesaurus. Penning letters to first year students is a group effort and extracts from historical political speeches are abused amid the inflamed Marxist themes.

But how dare I complain? These esteemed comrades sacrifice their academic progress to fight the system to the benefit of helpless students like myself... apparently! In turn, they become the priority beneficiaries of lucrative funding schemes and easy access to all other student funds throughout their selfless period of student service. How else should their hard work be compensated?

In fact, I definitely should not be complaining - these are the same people who bring us the most epic freshers ball every single year and show the newcomers just how lit tertiary life truly is!

I struggle to find strength to recognise and congratulate our perpetual-career-student-leaders-par-excellence (on championing the struggle of the students).

This brigade of tertiary stalwarts does not seem to ever outgrow student life. After they grace the stage of our halls and (finally) graduate - their academic conquests are sufficient to secure them employment, a shiny set of wheels and an enviable alcohol budget.

However, their social relevance does not expand further than the university dining halls. Varsity remains the peak of their existence and this is evident in how they carry the tertiary nickname beyond the age of 40.

Their failure to flourish in the absence of a student card leads these brothers back into the campus residential parking lots. Car boots ajar, blasting "Sidlukotini boy" at 5000 decibels and dispensing beer to teenage boys who call them "Brazo".

On random week nights, discussing the size of every passing girl's toosh. They thrive on the "respect" and attention they get from envious little boys while they collect numbers from girls.

Whether your calling is a 15-year span in spearheading student uprisings while maintaining a 33% average on your academic record, or masturbating your ego with condescending parking lot lectures to youngsters fooled by your material possessions - you need to relook your life!

Stop with the childish antics and go compete with your peers. Find a real challenge!