I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Our relationship is a happy and fulfilling one. Last month he proposed, and I didn't give him an answer because I thought he must bring cows to my parents. How do I handle this one?

MOM replies:The proper procedure that I know of is for him to write a letter to your parents. In the letter he must state his intentions. He must also give them the date that his uncles will be visiting them.

However, if the two of you are dead serious about growing old together you can also visit a Home Affairs office. You will both explain later to your parents why the civil marriage was the best choice.

Boitumelo replies: You are saying you didn't give him an answer but I am hoping you expressed your desire and didn't leave him clueless. Then, when he does not act on your wishes, you get angry with him. Be clear about your expectations because you might wait forever for the cows to arrive at your home. I think once you establish that with your boyfriend, then the elders can be informed and they will guide the process according to your culture.

Holstein cows at Jan Vos Estate outside Bethal, South Africa, on January 31, 2012. The estate provides Clover with some of its milk. (Photo by Gallo Images / City Press / Herman Verwey) 

My husband and I co-own a business. The business is doing well. I have noticed that my hubby suddenly has too many friends lately and he is generous to them. They treat him like an ATM. When I raise my concern with him, we end up fighting. I need help.

MOM replies:You're on your own! Money changes people. Your husband is clearly the victim of his bank account. Draw up a budget with all your household monthly expenses. Ensure that all your financial needs are taken care of and include your two investment accounts in the monthly budget.

What! You don't have them? You should have them. Financial rainy days attack the best of us; be prepared. Once this is done, leave him alone.

Boitumelo replies:

Sadly, sometimes people learn from experience and are then forced to adjust their behaviour accordingly. Rather manage the situation than manage him as he feels he is being treated like a child though he is behaving like one. Perhaps, in the meantime, each one of you can have a budget for entertainment, with a set limit that each can spend as they please and does not have to account to anyone about how they have spent their share.

This way you won't feel like he is taking money away from the family to give to friends but is using his own entertainment allowance however he pleases.

Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com