When you go to Google and type the words "Pastor tells congregation." it immediately gives you numerous options: pastor tells congregation to eat snakes; to eat grass; to quit school; to strip; to eat hair.

This week saw a new entry being added to the already colourful and mind-boggling options: pastor sprays congregants' troubles away: with Doom!

This after Prophet Lethebo Rabalago of Limpopo hit the ground running - telling his congregants to inhale fumes of the insecticide that comes in an aerosol can.

Many of us grew up with this insecticide, and were told as children to be careful of it. It kills all known pests, ranging from cockroaches to bedbugs; from mosquitoes to ants in the kitchen.

Now using his own brand of logic, Prophet Rabalago believes that modern man is at the mercy of countless pests gnawing away at his soul - not unlike bedbugs which suck our blood as we sleep; or cockroaches poisoning our food.

To respond to these threats, the good pastor prescribes Doom to kill these enemies of modern man right where they are - in the body. Pretty logical, isn't it? If you want to kill cockroaches, attack the source.

Don't wait until they emerge from the mouth of the human being through the vile words he will say to fellow human beings; or through his dirty deeds aimed at others. Make the dirty individual cleanse himself or herself by inhaling the insecticide. To save him from spreading evil, but more significantly to save him from himself.

It's the same logic used by Pastor Daniel Lesego who cajoled his congregants into eating grass - in order to be closer to the Lord. Of course they will, sooner or later, get closer to the Lord because their bodies will sooner or later succumb to complications wrought by the consumption of toxic substances.

All of this would have been hilarious if it were not so tragic. The proliferation and apparent success of these new prophets tells us there are willing followers. The tragedy is that these followers truly believe in the efficacy of these grass-eating jamborees. There are thousands of people who will do anything these charlatans proclaim. I call them charlatans, but their followers call them prophets.

My immediate instinct has always been: how can our people be so dumb as to believe this nonsense? A friend's comment was: "You've never been desperate. When you're desperate you will do anything, even if it does not make sense, even if it's totally humiliating and dehumanising."

He says people who go to these prophets are those buffeted by the howling winds of modern life: mainly joblessness and disease.

Many prophets tell their followers the reason they can't find employment is because their bodies are impure. They therefore need to be cleansed.

They'll also tell the followers that it's not the HIV virus that is making their bodies so emaciated and susceptible to various ailments - it is being systematically eaten away by "Satan's creatures" which have taken residence inside. To kill these evil creatures, the individual must perform any number of the above acts to cleanse themselves.

Yet others will genuflect before these so-called prophets because they have been promised riches. Yes, sir, many of these charismatic leaders unashamedly call their churches "wealth centres".

Maybe we're truly living in those times that the scriptures referred to in Matthew 24: 24: "For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect."

One of the felicities of being South African is that our constitution guarantees each citizen unfettered freedom of religion.

There are no restrictions on who can start a church. No qualifications necessary. Overhead costs? No sweat. Pitch a tent. And then ask congregants to each make weekly or monthly contributions towards a permanent structure.

Maybe our problem is too much democracy - which is being abused at every turn. But surely these so-called prophets can't be allowed to continue like this.

Urgent action needs to be taken against the likes of the Prophet of Doom and the snake-eating legion - because they are posing immediate physical danger to unsuspecting, desperate people.

Fred Khumalo's new book #ZuptasMustFall and Other Rants now in bookstores