SO, I don't know if you all have seen the latest issue of YOU magazine, where celebrities went bald for cancer awareness?

Celebs like Lee-Ann Liebenberg and Poppy Ntshongwana braved the chop, all in an effort to reach out to those affected by this dreadful and painful disease.

Great concept, Madi thought - that is, until she found out that it was all photoshopped!

Madi is very indignant about this. I mean isn't this like going to a shisanyama and proceeding to order a celery stick? Why on earth didn't they go all the way for a great cause - like how Ntsiki Mazwai once went full frontal and showed us her unshaven dreadlocked bits? Madi found it patronising.

Yoh, Poppy looks dreadful bald by the way. I mean, Madi has always found her resemblance to a sheep's head on a roast uncanny, but bald she could open her mouth and a bleating sound would come out. No, girl. Stick to the sangoma beaded braids look.

Let's move along swiftly. Madi attended the Joop fragrance unveiling of their latest brand ambassador. Remember how Maps Maponyane walked off with the title last year? Well it was time to yank it off him and hand it to Lehasa Moloi.

Madi finds Lehasa adorable - almost like the fat kid on Two And A Half Men - except toned and muscled.

Madi found it hilarious how Maps gave him "words of wisdom" on stage - almost like a Miss South Africa bidding farewell to her title. Disparaging much?

Anyway, speaking of Maps, rumours and speculation have been rife about him dating Isibaya's Nomzamo Mbatha.

Yes, she chucked Khaya Mthethwa and apparently moved over to Mr Maponyane. Kudos girl, that's like moving from a Nokia 5110 to an iPhone. But now, apparently their relationship is strictly underground, and they communicate via text only even when in the same public space.

Madi's extremely vigilant eye - that could individually name the lice on Manaka Ranaka's head - saw Maps telling Nomzamo that he's leaving, and her following behind shortly afterwards.

Oh, guys, Madi thinks you make a great couple; why the need for the stupid undercover stuff? Is Maps pulling an AKA, who refused to acknowledge rural girlfriend DJ Zinhle in public - probably still teaching her how to use a fork and knife. No, Nomzamo, my girl, don't stand for such nonsense.

The MC was Nomuzi Mabena, who Madi has no idea what on earth she was wearing.

Madi bumped into actress Thandi Matlaila, who those in the know say is stuck up and has said she's not a township girl. Oh babe, you look like you'd give tutorials on the correlation between a pit toilet and a telephone directory in Alexandra. She wore some hideous Fashion World outfit. Dress the part, girl!

Yoh! Madi hates when hideous women happen to gorgeous men. Loyiso MacDonald, who plays Ntando on Isidingo, arrived with his date, and Madi's jaw fell to the ground. She looked like a burn victim showing off how nicely she has recovered. That hair, that dress - wow! She even had a cane as an accessory. A cane. But still managed to bag a gorgeous man. The unfairness of life.

Madi had seen enough - and moved over to the Skyroom Live event, where she bumped into rapper Zubz, who kept yapping on about being in the industry for 10 years. Shame, 10 years and nothing to show for it, you meant.

Proverb was there with wifey, whose irrelevant name escapes me. Yoh, that termite-chewed hairline made Madi gasp.

Another couple on the down low - you know the OLX "Sell it" guy, Richard Lukunku? Well, he was all cosy with actress Nozipho Nkelemba. Such a pretty girl. Let's hope he doesn't sell you.

Madi bumped into Pebbles. No, I don't blame you for not remembering her - she's not even a has-been, more like a got-injured-and-never-left-the-stable. She wore some camel toe-exposing outfit, with jewellery that looked like it came from the pages of that cheap Honey jewellery sold by charismatic church women who threaten you with fire and brimstone if you don't buy it.

Shame, sis Pebbles has lost weight hey, she looks great. Wow. The benefits of being a starving artist - with an upside down bottle of tomato sauce and an onion in the fridge. Madi must try it.

For more stories like this one, be sure to buy the Sowetan newspaper from Mondays to Fridays