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SPOILT BRATS RUIN LIVES

AFTERMATH: Four schoolchildren were killed in Soweto on Monday after being knocked down by two racing Mini Coopers. One of the cars landed in a tree, as seen in the picture. Pic: Munyadziwa Nemutudi. 08/03/2010. © Sowetan.
AFTERMATH: Four schoolchildren were killed in Soweto on Monday after being knocked down by two racing Mini Coopers. One of the cars landed in a tree, as seen in the picture. Pic: Munyadziwa Nemutudi. 08/03/2010. © Sowetan.

THINGS change. They always do. It is one of the laws of nature.

THINGS change. They always do. It is one of the laws of nature.

The horrific crash that claimed the lives of four children in Protea, Soweto, is an example of change that so frightens me.

The selfishness and stupidity that led to this tragedy is symbolic of the moral decay to which we are becoming accustomed.

My imperfect conscience won't let me call this mauling of four innocent lives an accident.

Accidents creep up on you when you least expect. They happen even when the greatest care and effort has been taken.

Sometimes accidents are the result of negligence but they are still accidents because the person did not know his or her actions could have a bad outcome.

But when you set out at high speed, on a suburban road, competing with your mate, with your faculties compromised because of alcohol and other substances, it is no accident because there can only ever be one outcome to such behaviour - death.

It is this change in our moral code that convinced the two young men they could get away with this in broad daylight. It is this altering of our moral code that makes them not care what people think.

My view, albeit subjective, is informed by my reality, which in turn is the sum total of my experiences and observation.

It is my unshakable belief that black parents have changed a lot - some for the better and some for the worse.

This does not mean white families have not undergone a similar metamorphosis or that they are better parents.

I am merely reflecting my world.

Growing up among white children at a multiracial boarding school I saw white dads hugging and kissing their children - boys and girls - for the entire world to see.

They would cry and show emotion when they had to part with their children or when they achieved accolades at school. Of course, even among white families, there were stories of dysfunction, substance abuse and violence, but the fathers who were there, were truly present.

On the other hand, I saw black mothers attending their children's extra-mural activities, all by themselves. Many of the fathers were simply not there.

So I am elated when I see black fathers hugging their children. On any given day, our shopping malls are populated by black men shopping and spending quality time with their children.

It is really a sight to behold because back in the day this was not common.

Though there were definitely some exceptions, most of the children with whom I grew up came from families where the father was absent or if he was present, he was a detached and austere figure.

Mothers would go as far as pointing a threatening finger at a recalcitrant child and pronouncing the dreaded words: "I am going to tell your father."

This because daddies were known to take no nonsense.

What those fathers did not realise was that discipline and keeping a firm hand on your children does not have to be a cold and debilitating exercise.

So, on the positive side it is quite gratifying to see black men come out of their shell and allow their love and affection for their children to be felt, seen and applauded.

On the negative side, I see a lot of middle- to upper-class black parents overcompensating for what they themselves did not have.

In reinventing themselves and trying hard not to be like their strict parents, a lot of parents have jettisoned discipline and exchanged it for expensive gadgets and cars.

Children who get everything they want and are not severely punished for bad behaviour generally tend to have no regard for the rules, because in their world there are noconsequences.

Our parents might have gone overboard but they created boundaries and gave us direction. They taught us the value of hard work and life.

I bet you Molemo "Jub Jub" Maarohanye and Themba Tshabalala did this because they are spoilt brats who have got away with inappropriate behaviour from when they were little.

And because of this, four families and friends must ache for the rest of their lives.

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