Msholozi rules from Cape to Cairo

So Msholozi is our president after all. Many of us did not give him a snowball's chance in hell when on that fateful day in some court, he opened his mouth and said some hair-raising things about what happened during the sorry "rape" saga.

So Msholozi is our president after all. Many of us did not give him a snowball's chance in hell when on that fateful day in some court, he opened his mouth and said some hair-raising things about what happened during the sorry "rape" saga.

All that is history now and apart from the futility of perpetually bringing up the alleged rape, many of Msholozi's detractors are simply being cruel by harping on the subject ad nauseam.

Come to think of it, we ask the man to let bygones be bygones and build the country, but we let his adversaries hurl his hurtful past at him at every excuse.

We can't ask him to be forgiving and magnanimous on the one hand and nail him about his embarrassing past at every turn.

No dice.

And let us not delude ourselves. Msholozi, his lack of education notwithstanding, might well make a damn good president. He has said repeatedly in public that he is not educated. So what he needs to do is tell those educated men and women in his Cabinet to get the job done, or get out.

Maybe the problem with Thabo Mbeki is that he knew too much, or a little bit of everything. So he got embroiled in arguments and highfalutin', vain discourse - once even questioning the definition of xenophobia. He got embroiled in silly, pointless debates, dissecting trivialities - very much like circumcising mosquitoes.

I imagine Msholozi's take on xenophobia would be a stern, straightforward order: "ningashayi abanye abantu (don't hit other people), finish enklaar", and get on with the business of governing.

If I were in his position, I would warn the ministers not to try and flummox me with clever-sounding words - GDP, debentures, fiscal trends, global scales of economies - just to get down and do the job.

My motto would be: Duc, sequere, aut de via decede (lead, follow or get out of the way).

I recently shared the opinions of my shack barber about Msholozi. He loves Msholozi and says the only problem with our new president is that he plans to release all prisoners to give them a fresh start.

This week he came up with a new one. All the planes that flew at the inauguration, he says, belong to Schabir Shaik (Zuma's famous ex-con friend).

It gets curiouser: Zuma is going to be president of Africa. Just before his inauguration, he instructed the border gates to be opened, and we should watch it, before the end of this year Zuma will be the president of Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Lesotho, Botswana and Swaziland. In the next year he will take on Zambia, Nigeria and the rest.

I love my barber and I think he likes me. I never argue with him, which encourages him to really gooi his intellect, which is a litany of fantastic tales.

Sometimes those listening to him disagree with him, and because someone told him I am a journalist and must know everything, he turns to me to support his piffle.

I don't want to offend him, so I placate him with the line: "Well, ek hoor so."

He usually chirps excitedly: "Is waar, is waar, my chommie!"

Five years from now, when Msholozi is still only president of South Africa - if the almighty politburo does not "recall" him, I will have to change barbers.

X